Samantha Jordan

Samantha makes me happy.

She never disappoints to sooth any pain,
anguish,

or fear I might have.

She helps me forget those things that worry me the most.

My happiness is complete when I'm with her,

She understands me and I understand her.

I'm sad when she's injured and I don't have the means to take care of her.

She forgives me by being even more amazing after I've healed her.

She is a healer of shattered hopes and torn souls.

She mends a broken heart.

She is a part of me and I a part of her.

She never disappoints, only frustrates when we aren't getting along.

We make up and everything was worth it.

I can't help but smile when I spend time with her

Her name is Samantha, Samantha Jordan

Meet Samantha Jordan:

I'm not sure why this one came out so small, But this is her.

This is her insides

This is a close up of her body, and Melodious strings (also my favorite pic)

Yes my Friends, Samantha Jordan is my guitar. She's the one I would LOVE to devote all my time to, and she has been the recipient of most of my free time recently. I started recording songs I have written, just through the Mic on my computer, And even though the recording isn't that great, I have started to become addicted to the sound of my music coming through speakers. I've shared my 5 recorded songs with some friends, and I've been extremely surprised at the praise I've received. Maybe it's my insecurities about my voice or my lack of extreme awesomeness that makes me doubt any compliments I've received, I'm sure most artists are at first. I'd really like to get some opinions of people who I don't know personally as well. I don't know how to post the songs on here, or else I would. I suppose I could just start a Myspace page or something? That's so ghetto though........I also want to get REAL recordings done. Too bad I'm poor. Maybe some day :)

So you're telling me there's a chance.....

Do i really have time to be doing this right now? NO. Not really. But i'm doing it anyway cuz...well i need to.....

A. It's been way too long
B. I'm super stressed and I think this might take some of it away from me right now.
C. I've gone through a lot of things lately....that could use some sharing.

For the first real time in my life, I had my heart broken. It didn't make sense at all, but I am making more of it now. I've learned a lot about myself and who I am and what i want from a relationship. I hope to remain friends with her forever, because that's the kind of friendship we had. I know it wasn't easy for her either. Sometimes I still kind of question things, but it's all for something right? Besides that, I am dating someone again and it's going well, and I'm pretty happy about it to be completely honest. I fought it for a long time, and I think I felt like it wasn't going to happen because the time had passed. But, of course it's not always my plan or my way...in fact I'm thankful for that. If it were always up to me, I don't know where I would be.

School....OK. I don't know if I have even posted about me actually being excited about school....ever. Well I finally am. I have been taking a Life Planning and Decision making class, and through that and through one of those Strong Interest Inventory tests...you know the ones that ask you a bazillion questions about "Do you like This: (thing) or This: (other thing) Better?" Anyway, after taking that test, it came down and gave me some possible careers to look into. One such, Speech Pathology...which i had thought of before...was one of them. So i looked into it, and went and changed my major and i have my next 4 semesters setup. If everything goes according to plan i should be done in 4 1/2 semesters....I'll take a spring term or something....The only crappy part is the fact that I have to get my masters, so it'll be awhile still. But having an end in sight, and knowing what I'm actually going into makes life a TEENSY bit stressful.

I love music. I know this is nothing new, and I write about it all time. I discovered Aiden. They are kind of rocky/poppy/sorta unique band. I'm listening to them now. They almost remind me somewhat of AFI. ANYWAY, that's not my musical point in this post. I have been taking a Piano class this whole semester. It's been really awesome. You know how when you were a kid, and your parents forced you to take piano lessons? And you absolutely HATED it? Well, I had lessons when i was a young lad about 12 or 13 or so...maybe younger....and I was taking them from my Aunt. Well this particular Aunt had to move to Vegas, so once she moved I really couldn't take from her any longer....although i guess i could have, but those would have been expensive lessons. My other Aunt, actually probably my favorite on my Dad's side...there's only one...hahaha....started teaching us (Us being my sister, Dad, and myself) Now, why she stopped teaching us....I don't think I'll ever know. I just remember wanting to still play, (at least i think i did...i don't remember ever complaining about it) and then we stopped. So I have some very basic formal training, but really not enough to read music and what not. This class has helped me a lot. I am to the point now, where if I sit down and work on a song, I could most likely learn it in an hour or so. Ok maybe not that short of time, but I can do it now where as before I could barely read just the right hand. I love messing around and just having fun, and considering one of the string broke on my guitar recently and I'm too lazy to go buy new ones, I'm forced to play the piano instead.

Well I don't know how much stress this relieved, It kind of took my mind off some things, which is good I guess. I just need to get past the next week and a half, and I'll be good...until next semester starts at least.

Bye!

A Sunday Evening Post

Basically I'm bored. That's what it comes down to. Ok, it's also a new Month and i see the last post i made was exactly a month ago today. So i guess a substantial amount of things have happened since then, so i believe an update is due.

Update: Nothing new has happened. There done....now what...

It's been over a month since things with Camille ended. We still talk every now and then, i still miss her when the small things come up, but I'm learning to move on. I never knew break ups could be so hard. But i am grateful for the things i have learned from everything i've experienced over the past month. I've learned a lot about myself, and what i want (at least in the dating/relationship field), and where i need to be.

Living in a highly dense and saturated mormon city, it feels like the pressure to get married and be the perfect family is always surrounding me. But honestly, i don't let it affect me. I know I am in control of my life currently, and I have the means to do what i need to, and to progress (even though i feel like it's been a year since any progression has happened), and do better in departments where I am lacking. Ok this is making no sense. Basically what it comes down to, I am gaining an ability to blow off pressure and people telling me to do something I'm not ready to do. I want to figure my life out for me and for what i want, not what other people think is best for me. I have felt a strong sense of "depression" over the last few months, or maybe even the past year, but I think it's time to get out of that. I don't know how i'm going to get out of that, bu it's going to happen. I am feeling good about a new major, a new direction, and I just want to start fresh on something new.

I am going to abandon Spanish and PDBio altogether, and go with a new direction. In my student development class, we recently went over our Strong Interest Inventory tests. Alot of people speculate how accurate these tests are, however, I feel that if the person answered the questions without thinking about it or answering it how they "wanted" to answer, it's pretty accurate at telling you what you are interested in and where you'd do the best. My top "Theme" is Artistic. I LOVE the arts. Paintings, Art History, Music, Guitar, Anything that has to do with self expression, sincerely fascinate me. However, I know it's not something I would necessarily enjoy doing for a lifetime career. The test told me what I am most interested in, is working the medical field. This i already knew. It also told me I wouldn't necessarily do the best there either. It did however give me some fields i would probably do really well at. One such field I have considered before, and heard mentioned about how amazing it is, and have thought about looking into. Speech Pathology. I don't really know everything that it entails, but i know it's a pretty big field and a needed career as well. A classmate who is in that field, told me about what he knows so far from it. It sounds pretty interesting, and i plan on going to see a counselor tomorrow to talk about it and see the options. I'm pretty excited actually. I'm actualyl excited for something related to school, which makes me happy. It's a first.

As far as school goes now.....I'm not sure where i stand or what to do with my current situation. I have a Spanish test coming up on Wednesday. I haven't been to that class since the last time we had a test....which is very very very bad. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. I just found out last night that i missed a D&C test. I emailed my teacher begging for Mercy, but i'm not sure to what avail since i miss that class farely alot as well. All i know is this: Starting tomorrow November 3rd, 2008, I will miss no more classes if at all possible. I know i have to go to do well, and i want to do well. I really do. I just gotta do it.

A good friend told me once, "Action precedes Motivation." And boy is that true. I just have to figure out how to have motivation to take action to have motivation to do the thing i haven't been doing. It's like a circle or chain. One thing leads to another....

Last night i went and saw Maple Grove play. Mallory Davis is the keyboard player, and has been a good friend of mine for quite a while now. They are pretty awesome.

The Rays made it to the World Series, only to lose 4 games to 1. How dissapointing. How come the team i cheer for can't ever actualyl WIN the championship? Sucks bad. Even BYU isn't doing that well anymore. They BARELY beat CSU...they should have annihalted them. Hopeully the Jazz can do it this year, if anyone deserves it or needs it, they do. GO JAZZ!!

I am good. I think. I think i need to tell myself i am good, and i will be good. Thanks to everyone who keeps in touch with me and cares enough about me to worry about what i'm going through. I've just been going through a semi weird, kind of rough, hard, and confusing time in my life recently. I'm sorry if i've been bugged or annoyed or snippy. I'm just trying to figure my life out, and there are many people that are great and so supportive. I wouldn't make it without you. Thanks.

No one

No one reads this, so i don't know why i even update it. But that's ok cuz it's really just a journal for myself.

So my life at the moment is kind of in an interesting position. I'm not in school as noted in a previous post, not dating anyone seriously, and i'm working full time. Theh "rut," i guess you could call it that i'm in, is really just i don't know what's going on with anything or....anything at all. I'm just chillin, running a race, but not going anywhere. The weird thing is, is i feel like right now i'm ok. I'm not sad, or depressed or freaking out about some small issue. I'm just living my life the best i can right now and not worrying to much about the future. I know what will come will come, and what will happen will happen and i don't need to wig out about it. Happy am I.

I'm not really in the mood for writing. I don't really have a lot to write about right now, at least here...maybe in my other Blog... But really people i just thought of somethign pretty cool i can write about.

So recently i've come to the conclusion that some things in life are just Impossible to be passionate about. For example: My current job, paper cuts, celery, mustard, cats, getting yelled at by angry customers, cell phone breaking, losing things, breaking an arm, etc. You know, the crappy things in life. Other things are difficult, but possible. Examples: Dating, school, parental pressure, driving the speed limit, forgiving others, to name a few. I have also recently discovered there is one thing, to me especially, that is SO easy to be passionate about and i found that it is one of the things i am most passionate for. Music.

You know, it doesn't really matter what kind of music as long as it's soothing and can help me understand and think. In fact, i think any kind of music can have a good effect on a person depending on their mood. Of course there is the music that is just annoying and dumb, rapping, or screaming vulgarities non stop, but even that can be healing power for some people. My healing power, i found, is just anything that sounds good. I don't care if someone says they hate it, or it's trendy pop, or it's lame. If i like it and i can relax while i'm listening to it, it's basically zen for me.

Two nights ago our friend Kat Tingey, who is an amazing guitarist and artist by the way and you should definitely check her out. Anyway she is pretty awesome, and decided to play at the Open Mic show at Velour on Tuesday night. We went, and it turned out she had to play very last...not to great cuz most people had left by then. In the middle of the show, one guy got up to play that goes by "Rockin Rob." Just imagine a mountain man, that can't hardly speak english cuz he has no teeth, huge bushy beard, long hair, cowboy boots with one pant leg tucked in, one leg not, and you have your man. He got up and tuned his guitar for liek 3 minutes at least....then started to look at it and started laughing....which made everyone else in the whole joint just kind of uneasy cuz it was an awkward weird, crazy man laugh. He played his song, which was...whatever...then after he tuned his guitar again and played a song call Mt. Timpanogos....my favorite line was "You are a mountain, a mountain to my heart." It was pretty classic...i just wish i had a video camera...that i SHOULD have..jeeze...but yeah, it was great.

This is KIND of what he looked like...

So anyway the night was pretty sweet. The best part was when we were walking out, they invited Kat to come back and play last night at the Acoustic Showcase...which was a real show. Kat played for about a half hour, including a song she wrote with heavy Muse influence...which was pretty rad. The bands that followed afterward, and i say bands cuz the rest of them..except the last one had more than just one member. The 3rd guy had a saxophone player...which was amazingly amazing...and awesome plus 10.

So with the last few days, and the Incubus DVD i bought, i really just KNOW that music is a passion and i love it!!