Tuesday, December 9, 2008

So you're telling me there's a chance.....

Do i really have time to be doing this right now? NO. Not really. But i'm doing it anyway cuz...well i need to.....

A. It's been way too long
B. I'm super stressed and I think this might take some of it away from me right now.
C. I've gone through a lot of things lately....that could use some sharing.

For the first real time in my life, I had my heart broken. It didn't make sense at all, but I am making more of it now. I've learned a lot about myself and who I am and what i want from a relationship. I hope to remain friends with her forever, because that's the kind of friendship we had. I know it wasn't easy for her either. Sometimes I still kind of question things, but it's all for something right? Besides that, I am dating someone again and it's going well, and I'm pretty happy about it to be completely honest. I fought it for a long time, and I think I felt like it wasn't going to happen because the time had passed. But, of course it's not always my plan or my way...in fact I'm thankful for that. If it were always up to me, I don't know where I would be.

School....OK. I don't know if I have even posted about me actually being excited about school....ever. Well I finally am. I have been taking a Life Planning and Decision making class, and through that and through one of those Strong Interest Inventory tests...you know the ones that ask you a bazillion questions about "Do you like This: (thing) or This: (other thing) Better?" Anyway, after taking that test, it came down and gave me some possible careers to look into. One such, Speech Pathology...which i had thought of before...was one of them. So i looked into it, and went and changed my major and i have my next 4 semesters setup. If everything goes according to plan i should be done in 4 1/2 semesters....I'll take a spring term or something....The only crappy part is the fact that I have to get my masters, so it'll be awhile still. But having an end in sight, and knowing what I'm actually going into makes life a TEENSY bit stressful.

I love music. I know this is nothing new, and I write about it all time. I discovered Aiden. They are kind of rocky/poppy/sorta unique band. I'm listening to them now. They almost remind me somewhat of AFI. ANYWAY, that's not my musical point in this post. I have been taking a Piano class this whole semester. It's been really awesome. You know how when you were a kid, and your parents forced you to take piano lessons? And you absolutely HATED it? Well, I had lessons when i was a young lad about 12 or 13 or so...maybe younger....and I was taking them from my Aunt. Well this particular Aunt had to move to Vegas, so once she moved I really couldn't take from her any longer....although i guess i could have, but those would have been expensive lessons. My other Aunt, actually probably my favorite on my Dad's side...there's only one...hahaha....started teaching us (Us being my sister, Dad, and myself) Now, why she stopped teaching us....I don't think I'll ever know. I just remember wanting to still play, (at least i think i did...i don't remember ever complaining about it) and then we stopped. So I have some very basic formal training, but really not enough to read music and what not. This class has helped me a lot. I am to the point now, where if I sit down and work on a song, I could most likely learn it in an hour or so. Ok maybe not that short of time, but I can do it now where as before I could barely read just the right hand. I love messing around and just having fun, and considering one of the string broke on my guitar recently and I'm too lazy to go buy new ones, I'm forced to play the piano instead.

Well I don't know how much stress this relieved, It kind of took my mind off some things, which is good I guess. I just need to get past the next week and a half, and I'll be good...until next semester starts at least.

Bye!

Monday, November 10, 2008

no. nuh uh. nada.

Life=Not fun. At least not right now.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Obama: New President: Good or bad?

OBAMA WON.....That's cool. That's all I have to say about that.

A lot of people have gotten mad at me for this, however, this is my case:

I did not vote.


Explanation:

A. I never registered. I COULD have, yes i know, AND i had a chance to when i renewed my license But, I did that too late. I guess that's what you get for procrastinating. That's what I do Best.

B. I didn't know hardly anything about anything. I just knew the names, the parties, and nothing than that. So sue me for not being political. The way i see it, voting is actually a pretty big deal. So when something is a big deal, I usually like to know really well the decision i am making. In this case, voting, i would want to know as much as i can from both sides (preferably unbiased....and living in Utah, that's pretty tough to get) before i make a decision on who I'm going to be voting for.

C. Would my vote REALLY have mattered? Utah would have gone Republican, which it did, so even if I had voted, and honestly probably would have gone with Obama, then it wouldn't have made that much difference.

I realize these reasons probably aren't the best. I also realize it's my duty as an American Citizen to vote, however I also have a freedom to NOT vote, and to NOT express my opinion. I chose to exercise the latter. In the future, i may try tuning in more thoroughly in the politics, but that's not for another 4 years. A lot of people think "oh no, the end of the world is coming!!" But really, I personally think and feel Obama won't lead the country astray. It will be an interesting 4 years.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

A Sunday Evening Post

Basically I'm bored. That's what it comes down to. Ok, it's also a new Month and i see the last post i made was exactly a month ago today. So i guess a substantial amount of things have happened since then, so i believe an update is due.

Update: Nothing new has happened. There done....now what...

It's been over a month since things with Camille ended. We still talk every now and then, i still miss her when the small things come up, but I'm learning to move on. I never knew break ups could be so hard. But i am grateful for the things i have learned from everything i've experienced over the past month. I've learned a lot about myself, and what i want (at least in the dating/relationship field), and where i need to be.

Living in a highly dense and saturated mormon city, it feels like the pressure to get married and be the perfect family is always surrounding me. But honestly, i don't let it affect me. I know I am in control of my life currently, and I have the means to do what i need to, and to progress (even though i feel like it's been a year since any progression has happened), and do better in departments where I am lacking. Ok this is making no sense. Basically what it comes down to, I am gaining an ability to blow off pressure and people telling me to do something I'm not ready to do. I want to figure my life out for me and for what i want, not what other people think is best for me. I have felt a strong sense of "depression" over the last few months, or maybe even the past year, but I think it's time to get out of that. I don't know how i'm going to get out of that, bu it's going to happen. I am feeling good about a new major, a new direction, and I just want to start fresh on something new.

I am going to abandon Spanish and PDBio altogether, and go with a new direction. In my student development class, we recently went over our Strong Interest Inventory tests. Alot of people speculate how accurate these tests are, however, I feel that if the person answered the questions without thinking about it or answering it how they "wanted" to answer, it's pretty accurate at telling you what you are interested in and where you'd do the best. My top "Theme" is Artistic. I LOVE the arts. Paintings, Art History, Music, Guitar, Anything that has to do with self expression, sincerely fascinate me. However, I know it's not something I would necessarily enjoy doing for a lifetime career. The test told me what I am most interested in, is working the medical field. This i already knew. It also told me I wouldn't necessarily do the best there either. It did however give me some fields i would probably do really well at. One such field I have considered before, and heard mentioned about how amazing it is, and have thought about looking into. Speech Pathology. I don't really know everything that it entails, but i know it's a pretty big field and a needed career as well. A classmate who is in that field, told me about what he knows so far from it. It sounds pretty interesting, and i plan on going to see a counselor tomorrow to talk about it and see the options. I'm pretty excited actually. I'm actualyl excited for something related to school, which makes me happy. It's a first.

As far as school goes now.....I'm not sure where i stand or what to do with my current situation. I have a Spanish test coming up on Wednesday. I haven't been to that class since the last time we had a test....which is very very very bad. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. I just found out last night that i missed a D&C test. I emailed my teacher begging for Mercy, but i'm not sure to what avail since i miss that class farely alot as well. All i know is this: Starting tomorrow November 3rd, 2008, I will miss no more classes if at all possible. I know i have to go to do well, and i want to do well. I really do. I just gotta do it.

A good friend told me once, "Action precedes Motivation." And boy is that true. I just have to figure out how to have motivation to take action to have motivation to do the thing i haven't been doing. It's like a circle or chain. One thing leads to another....

Last night i went and saw Maple Grove play. Mallory Davis is the keyboard player, and has been a good friend of mine for quite a while now. They are pretty awesome.

The Rays made it to the World Series, only to lose 4 games to 1. How dissapointing. How come the team i cheer for can't ever actualyl WIN the championship? Sucks bad. Even BYU isn't doing that well anymore. They BARELY beat CSU...they should have annihalted them. Hopeully the Jazz can do it this year, if anyone deserves it or needs it, they do. GO JAZZ!!

I am good. I think. I think i need to tell myself i am good, and i will be good. Thanks to everyone who keeps in touch with me and cares enough about me to worry about what i'm going through. I've just been going through a semi weird, kind of rough, hard, and confusing time in my life recently. I'm sorry if i've been bugged or annoyed or snippy. I'm just trying to figure my life out, and there are many people that are great and so supportive. I wouldn't make it without you. Thanks.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

This Life i Live

This Life. Wow...what a fun time huh? It is currently 2:11 am. I am awake, when my eyes tell me they are sleepy and want to rest, but my brain and soul cannot rest. How can things seem to be so perfect one moment, and then shatter to the ground in the blink of a tired eye. I can't understand everything, I don't expect to, especially when nothing makes any sense. All that i do know, is I honestly feel OK with things. I don't know what that means, but I guess it's not bad. I only know I've become closer to Camille than i have ever been with anyone else, and I really hope she can figure things out. I know we all cross paths with people in our lives for a certain reason. I am pretty sure I know the reason, or one of the reasons Camille and I have crossed paths, and i will take those lessons into my life and hopefully will be able to apply them, and be better because of her. I randomly wrote a poem about how i feel right now. Unusual, since i don't usually write poems. I guess new experiences bring new things to the board. Who knows, i may even make it into a song.




Aren't God's Creations awesome?










Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?




















Mishna.

This life.
This life i live.
This life we live.
Living and loving, that's what it's about.
How we do it, depends on us.
The choices, decisions, and paths we choose to follow.
The people we meet, friends we make.
Those we fall in love with, those who break our hearts,
Those who know us best
It is not all for nothing.
There is a purpose.
A purpose i do not fully know.
Knowing this is all i care about right now.
This life we live
This life I live
This life.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Re-Route please?

Well here i am at work. Unusual? Probably not, considering i am here everyday. Today is the 24th of the month. I know it's September, but that's really beside the point. Today at work I will be flooded with calls from people asking "My order has a shipping date of the 24th, can I please stop or cancel the order?" OK, first of all the orders print off at like 5 am. Once the order is printed, there is really almost nothing we can do. It's not like I can walk over to the warehouse, and find their order, unbox it, tear up the order form, and process the refund. It IS possible, but 100% not feasible. There are literally thousands of orders printed off everyday, and on the 24th and 25th, even more. Even more, you have TWENTY THREE days to call and stop your order from shipping. It's really not that hard. If your order has already been sent out, i can't even call UPS to send it back to us for at least 2 days. THEN sometimes they won't even let me. It'd be better if everyone just got with the program, and watched your own back. That'd be nice. Now for the real reason I'm writing this entry today.

To know where i am coming from, it might be best for you to read a former entry, Changing Gears. When i decided to drop my classes that semester, long ago, i felt like that was the right thing to do at that time. I don't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do. As far as right now, I feel more committed to school, more committed to my life and what i want it to be. I'm still not 100% sure where my life will lead, or where I will be going with all this, but I feel like PDBio is still the right direction. I am retaking Chemistry 105 this semester, the class i had such a hard time and struggled with exactly a year ago. I'm already feeling like I understand it better, I'm getting a better grasp on it, and I'll be able to get through it better than a D-. If i get a C, that's fine with me. I'm aiming for a B. I know an A is pretty much impossible since the after grade in the class is a C, and that hasn't ever really changed. I know there are people in the class that do get A's, but heck there are people that get 4.0's graduating in Law. Yes, there are geniuses on this earth. Desafortunadamente, I'm not one of them, and I'm honestly ok with that. We are all given different gifts and talents, and being a genius is not one of mine. I'm smart enough, however, to get through Chemistry and through my current standing major. I love the idea of helping people improve their lives, and giving of myself and time. I probably won't end up going to medical school, or even be a doctor. But as someone very close to me right now has really made me realize, there ARE other options besides being a doctor. I want to succeed. I want to have a plan. I feel like after the last hour of the morning, i feel like i have a plan again.

I don't know where this is all coming from, but I have a pretty good idea. I've had so many, i guess you could call them "signs" that i CAN do Chemistry. We got a new roommate named Ryan, and what is his career plan? To study a language and go pre-med. He's in Chem 105 right now, and works in a doctor's office and is looking into maybe getting me a job there. Sunday at church, I was doing interviews with my Bishop, well being there while he did interviews, and met a girl named Jennifer. What does she do? Why she works in the Chemistry Department at BYU. She has office hours that no one comes in to, AND she has the EXACT same bday as me...10/04/1984. (yes my birthday is in a week and a half...i accept anything. Cash is nice too. You can make checks out to Jeff Mabey. Thanks) Anyway, i feel like I'm being directed right now, and being offered all the help i can get, and i need to take advantage of that. I just know all i need to do is figure out how to do well in school....and in life. That's what it's all about right? Summing it up, I'm re-routing gears. Back to the old. We'll see....

I'm currently taking a Student Development class entitled, Life Planning and Decision Making. I don't know why I didn't get into it before. We really haven't delved much into making big decisions, but the small things we've done and the things we have talked about, have made sense and made me think alot about my future and decisions i need to make. Even though BYU is a tough school, and sometimes i feel like I'm not cut out to be here, I really do like going to school at a great University. Oh and our Football team is doing awesome too. Never hurt anyone :)

Monday, September 1, 2008

New Month, New Post, New Me?

What a Beautiful Creature

No. The new me is NOT a Giraffe. Although maybe I should look into getting one.....

There have been a few people on my back (good thing Giraffe's have long necks and backs....) about writing a new entry. Ok not really a lot of people, mainly just ONE person...and they know who they are...(Insert sound Giraffe makes here) Speaking of, does anyone know what sound a Giraffe makes? When teaching a child sounds that different animals make, how does a teacher instruct a child what this sound is? Do Giraffes make sounds? This is a mystery...one that must be resolved.

To discover this unknown and unsolved sound mystery, we will turn to the two best places i know online. Google and Wikipedia. Even though i'm sure most college professors, and high school teachers would discourage using Wikipedia as a source, i find it pretty much amazing and love it. I mean look at THIS. Just scroll down a bit, and click on Sounds and WahLah. For all you lazy people, i will quote here.

"Although generally quiet and not vocal, giraffes have been heard to make various sounds. Courting males will emit loud coughs. Females will call their young by whistling or bellowing. Calves will bleat, moo, or make mewing sounds. In addition, giraffes will grunt, snort, hiss, or make strange flute-like sounds. Recent research has shown evidence that the animal communicates at an infrasound level"

My first question on this statement of a Giraffe's noise emissions: Does anyone know where i can hear the "Strange flue-like sound?" I'd be quite interested in finding out. I think it's kind of cool, however, that to court a hot Giraffe babe, all the guy has to do is cough and hack. I'm glad humans don't use this technique, i just can't imagine it going to well for the guys.....

Guy: (See's attractive girl) "Hi, will you.... *Cough Cough*..."
Girl: (disgusted look on her face) "are you ok? Do you smoke? Do you have bronchitis? Are you contagious? Should I cover my mouth when I'm talking to you? What is it you wanted to ask me?"
Guy: *stops coughing, puts head down and walks away*

I imagine a Giraffe Courtship (more specifically a BYU courtship) goes something similar to this:

Jack Giraffe: "Hey so i was *hack hack, cough cough, wheeeze* wondering if you would like to *grunt, cough, hack hack* go to the homecoming *COUGH* dance with me?"
Bethany Giraffe: (thinking to herself) 'wow he's really got the moves with all that coughing going on' "Well ok...i was planning on going with Jerome Giraffe, but he didn't have a big COUGH at the end like you did there."
Jack Giraffe: *COUGH COUGH....(lung comes flying out and hits Bethany in the face)*
Bethany Giraffe: "Let's get married tomorrow?"

Giraffes seem to have it easy. I actually wish dating were that easy. I guess if dating wasn't hard, it wouldn't really be worth it in the end. I suppose. I can't complain though right with my current situation.

I have an older sister named Camille. I have known her for 23 years, 10 months, and 27 days (something close to that). I also have an Aunt Camille who i believe i have known since i was born. One of my best friends sisters name is Camille, although she goes by Cami. Mike married a Cami (also short for Camille). Chad is marrying a girl named Cami (also short for Camille). Counting (yeah i can count, sometimes), that makes 5 Camilles that I am associated with. Chad's Camille i don't really know. Even without her, it makes 4. Lets be honest, Camille is not the most popular name. There's nothing wrong with the name, it's a great name. According to the Social Security Website, the name Camille was ranked #369 in 1982 (the year my sister was born). It seems only, fewer people gave the name Camille to their daughter than say the name Ashley, Amy, Brooke, Jessica, Gertrude (ok that one probably isnt' true), etc. So I mean who would have guessed that I would date a Camille? I mean it's not like i planned on it, it just happens right?

In previous posts I have talked about girls I met online, have dated, wanted to date, etc. Those posts at that time were true and had much deep felt thought and time put into them, and since I put my truest feeling in them, I received much guff and crap from a lot of people. I guess a blog isn't the best place to put ALL your feelings, but I felt like they needed to be shared at that time. Let me just give a little expwanashon of the newest addition to the Camille's in my life.

(Name removed) is her name. She is awesome. If there was one word to sum her up, that would be it. Awesome. She's from Idaho, the not-so-small-as-I-previously-had-thought town of Pocatello. Her Dad is not a potato farmer (believe it or not there are people that have other occupations in Idaho besides Potato farmers. Amazing i know). She has a simple and good family. Strong in the gospel, good morals, and good overall people. Camille and I met online. Go figure. I really didn't expect anything else to come from online dating after I ended things with Allison. Actually, I decided to cancel my membership to the dating site I was using, and met Camille before it actually expired. I guess good things happen for a reason right? Well we've been officially dating now for over a month. I can't believe how fast the time flies, it's really just incredible. Don't start asking me when we are getting married because A. We are in no rush at all to worry about that. B. We've known each other for like 2 months (I know at BYU that's almost too long right? Good thing she lives in Sugar House and graduated from Utah State and wasn't ever a BYU girl, so dating longer than 2 months flies right? =] ) As far as how things are going....things are going well. We're having fun dating, and for now that's what's important. Oh, and did i mention i'm just over a month older than her? Yeah. Pretty rad. Camille number six, added to the list. (almost a rhyme. Go me.)

As far as the rest of my life goes, I don't really know what to say. I'm still stuck at Nuskin. I love the company, I really do. I just wish I could move up. I try, and it doesn't happen. Perhaps it's just not meant to be. School....I'm registered...which is something i suppose. I still don't know what to do with my life. I'm still going to major in spanish, (Changing Gears), but other than that I just don't know. If anyone could figure it out for me, that would be FANTABULOUS. I really don't want anyone to tell me what to do. I can and WILL figure things out. I have to. I'm retaking Chem 105 again this semester (Again because I was in it a second time, but dropped all my classes...), and this time I plan on sticking to it. I really do WANT to understand it and be able to advance. I'm sure it's pretty sweet stuff once you fully understand it. I'm trying to get into a piano class as well. I have always had the strongest desire to play the piano, and since I know the basics, I'm pretty sure I could pick it up pretty quickly. School will be interesting.

Well I think this post can make up for the lost time and lost Jeffrey Scott Mabey many of you people have been searching for. Recently I've pondered about going by Jeffrey instead of Jeff. I don't know why, it just sounds more mature and I think I actually like it. I dunno. I guess that's another thing to figure out. I find the name of my blog Ironic. Half the time I write, I write about me trying to figure life out. Sometimes I think i'm really not that good at living life and being good at it. But hey, I'm trying my best. That's all that matters right? I suppose.

Mishna.