This is my Take

Well People...it seems things didn't work out with Allison. I know some of my previous posts may have alluded to me saying she really was the chosen one, but let me give my philosophy on this. Is there really a soul mate for everyone? I don't believe so. Even an Apostle, i can't remember who, said that any two members of the church that uphold the standards and morals, could work well together and be a happy eternal couple/family. Now of course by no means am i saying that ANYONE would be perfect for me...since there are personalities that clash, and some things just can't be worked out. As far as Allison goes, here's my take.

I met Allison during a time in my life when i was really kind of starting to feel like nothing good would come to me. She came to me, and it was amazing. Every moment i spent with her, was just amazing and i didn't have any worries in the world. Of course most people would say "you're crazy for letting her go," but as happy as i was, i just didn't feel like it was going to be a permanent thing. I don't know why. I can't explain it. And to this day, i cannot for the life of me begin to understand why things have worked out the way they did. I heard a quote, or something, that talked about how people come into your lives during a "season" for different reasons. (no rhyme intended) Do i truly believe that it was meant to be for us to meet. Yes. Absolutely. I learned many many things from Allison. One of them: The feeling of truly being loved, and to feel a love for someone "unico" (only...solely...). I know that in the future, I will be able to tell the difference between a "crush" and love, whereas I wouldn't have been able to before. Another thing, and although this is more on the physical side, I finally got my first kiss. AND for the record, it WAS amazing, and i DO NOT regret kissing her one bit. I was fortunate enough to be one of the lucky few people in this world who didn't have a "Wasted first kiss." I truly felt it meant something. It did mean something. She is an amazing kisser, and i truly do envy the guy that ends up with her. One other thing i really really learned was more of many things...i just learned what i want in my future wife. I know the qualities i will look for, and the qualities i need to have in my life. I know what i deserve now. I deserve someone like Allison. Someone that will love me unconditionally for who i am and what i stand for. Someone that loves our Heavenly Father as much as i do.

So my question to myself, and to any of you out there reading this: Why not Allison? You didn't give it enough time! Well sometimes time is just not needed to know. We could date for 2 years and i could feel the same way the whole time, and it would have been 2 years when either one of us could have found our future spouse. Like i said, i cannot answer this question. From the first time i had this "Doubt" i have not understood it at all. It doesn't make sense. But i do know how i feel, and how i've felt, and what i need in my life currently. I do not want to lose her of course, but it seems it was the best option for me, for us, to move on with our lives. I've never really "abandoned" someone before that i have liked, or had a thing with, or dated. I've normally stayed friends with them...well until now. And i'm hoping to do the same with her. I think we may need some time apart and such to get over it, but i know we can be good friends, even though it is not something she is used to. :)

Will i find someone exactly like her? I hope not, since no two people are exactly alike. Will i find someone who will hate to say good bye to me at 3 am? Maybe not. Will i find someone who can and will love me like she does/has? I sure hope so. I am sad, but i am happy too because i know things will work out for the best for both of us. She is an amazing person, and deserves someone amazing and will get it in her life. People come into our lives for a season, for a time, for a reason. For what that is, only we can know. I know why she came into my life, and no one can take that away from me. I will always cherish and hold close the experiences i shared with her.

So now that this stage of my life is over, for now, i'm not sure what will happen. Of course i will go on dating other girls. But i think now, i might have more confidence where as i may not have had much before. Yet another reason. Thanks to all of you who have cared, and shown interest in my well being. I find that more people read, or at least hear about my blog, than i may have previously thought. THANKS! And again, i'm just trying to go about my life and be good at it. Doing the best i can. Doing the best i know how!