I think I may have mentioned this before, but this year has changed me a lot. I am a very different person than i was this time last year. I will probably write about all this in more detail later on, but for now this will suffice.
1. I have a career goal. For the first time since before i started college and was just excited to get back into school, i actually feel excited to start the upcoming semester. I no longer feel it is going to be a waste of time as i have for the past year or so. It's a good feeling having at least some kind of direction.
2. 22 1/2 years i hadn't ever kissed a girl, and in one year I have kissed 3. I wouldn't say I've been a player because each of the 3 girls i've kissed, have been special and meaningful. Along these same lines, having been in relationships i have learned a lot about myself. Mainly self confidence and appreciation for good quality people.
3. My Grandmother passed away on June 9th of this year. I know that people die everyday, but it was really the first time anyone actually close to me, that I've known my whole life, has passed on. I guess the main reason this has changed me is just because it's really made me realize how precious life is, and that I should spend my time better. I probably don't even listen to my own words and advice as much as i should, but that's the truth. I wish i could have spent more time with her before she left us, but I know she is happier where she is and she is watching over me.
4. Weddings. I have had so many friends get married this past year, including two of my best friends. This hasn't made me WANT to get married, but it's something I know needs to be thought about and is in my upcoming future. I really cannot even imagine being married soon or even engaged for that matter, but if it were to come along I'm pretty sure I would welcome it.
5. Spiritual wellness. I am not where i want to be, and I know I need to improve. I love my current calling in my ward, and the opportunity i have to work side by side with my Bishop. I've kind of slacked off a little bit, but i think it has a lot to do with the end of this semester. I love my Bishop though, he's amazing and such an understanding man. Sometimes i really wonder what it would be like not being a member of the church. As hard as it is to live up to some of the standards, I know it's the best thing I can do for myself.
6. Music. My appreciation has grown. I am actually writing my own songs, playing in different tunings, learning the piano (and loving it), and just appreciating it more than i ever did before.
7-10: An overall appreciation for life. I've tried to be happier, tried to be more positive, learned more about myself in this year than I ever thought possible. It's kinda crazy just to think of how much I've been through in my life, and then this year happens. It's kinda awesome honestly. I remember a lesson Rhett Gagon gave in my sisters ward about trying to live life more like Christ, to try and think daily how to be more like him in any small way. I think that if everyone tried to do that, the world would be a better place. No, I KNOW it would be a better place. Even if you don't believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior, still just following his example and the way he lived his life when he was here, would resolve so many conflicts. Plus during this time of year, people are generally nicer and more giving. If we could just keep that attitude the rest of the year.
I applied for a new job. I should find out soon if i got it....I'd be quite excited if I do.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
For Anyone Curious....
My Piano recital was today.
1. The Piece I played, entitled "Sleep Baby, Sleep", I played actually really well. I surprised even myself.
2. The Duet was awesome. We played "Up on the House Tops" The first page we played basically flawless, but the second line of the second page....yeah we totally butchered it. Amber, my partner, started to kind of chuckle...which made me start laughing, and then she completely busted out. I was so lost, so i just picked up on a spot i knew we both could play...and we finished...except we are supposed to finish on the same note, but i finished a count ahead of her. It was pretty awesome. Lucky for us, our teacher is way rad and she told the class afterward that she gave everyone full credit. Woo hoo!!
I love the piano. Anyone wanna give me some pointers? That'd be awesome!
1. The Piece I played, entitled "Sleep Baby, Sleep", I played actually really well. I surprised even myself.
2. The Duet was awesome. We played "Up on the House Tops" The first page we played basically flawless, but the second line of the second page....yeah we totally butchered it. Amber, my partner, started to kind of chuckle...which made me start laughing, and then she completely busted out. I was so lost, so i just picked up on a spot i knew we both could play...and we finished...except we are supposed to finish on the same note, but i finished a count ahead of her. It was pretty awesome. Lucky for us, our teacher is way rad and she told the class afterward that she gave everyone full credit. Woo hoo!!
I love the piano. Anyone wanna give me some pointers? That'd be awesome!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
So you're telling me there's a chance.....
Do i really have time to be doing this right now? NO. Not really. But i'm doing it anyway cuz...well i need to.....
A. It's been way too long
B. I'm super stressed and I think this might take some of it away from me right now.
C. I've gone through a lot of things lately....that could use some sharing.
For the first real time in my life, I had my heart broken. It didn't make sense at all, but I am making more of it now. I've learned a lot about myself and who I am and what i want from a relationship. I hope to remain friends with her forever, because that's the kind of friendship we had. I know it wasn't easy for her either. Sometimes I still kind of question things, but it's all for something right? Besides that, I am dating someone again and it's going well, and I'm pretty happy about it to be completely honest. I fought it for a long time, and I think I felt like it wasn't going to happen because the time had passed. But, of course it's not always my plan or my way...in fact I'm thankful for that. If it were always up to me, I don't know where I would be.
School....OK. I don't know if I have even posted about me actually being excited about school....ever. Well I finally am. I have been taking a Life Planning and Decision making class, and through that and through one of those Strong Interest Inventory tests...you know the ones that ask you a bazillion questions about "Do you like This: (thing) or This: (other thing) Better?" Anyway, after taking that test, it came down and gave me some possible careers to look into. One such, Speech Pathology...which i had thought of before...was one of them. So i looked into it, and went and changed my major and i have my next 4 semesters setup. If everything goes according to plan i should be done in 4 1/2 semesters....I'll take a spring term or something....The only crappy part is the fact that I have to get my masters, so it'll be awhile still. But having an end in sight, and knowing what I'm actually going into makes life a TEENSY bit stressful.
I love music. I know this is nothing new, and I write about it all time. I discovered Aiden. They are kind of rocky/poppy/sorta unique band. I'm listening to them now. They almost remind me somewhat of AFI. ANYWAY, that's not my musical point in this post. I have been taking a Piano class this whole semester. It's been really awesome. You know how when you were a kid, and your parents forced you to take piano lessons? And you absolutely HATED it? Well, I had lessons when i was a young lad about 12 or 13 or so...maybe younger....and I was taking them from my Aunt. Well this particular Aunt had to move to Vegas, so once she moved I really couldn't take from her any longer....although i guess i could have, but those would have been expensive lessons. My other Aunt, actually probably my favorite on my Dad's side...there's only one...hahaha....started teaching us (Us being my sister, Dad, and myself) Now, why she stopped teaching us....I don't think I'll ever know. I just remember wanting to still play, (at least i think i did...i don't remember ever complaining about it) and then we stopped. So I have some very basic formal training, but really not enough to read music and what not. This class has helped me a lot. I am to the point now, where if I sit down and work on a song, I could most likely learn it in an hour or so. Ok maybe not that short of time, but I can do it now where as before I could barely read just the right hand. I love messing around and just having fun, and considering one of the string broke on my guitar recently and I'm too lazy to go buy new ones, I'm forced to play the piano instead.
Well I don't know how much stress this relieved, It kind of took my mind off some things, which is good I guess. I just need to get past the next week and a half, and I'll be good...until next semester starts at least.
Bye!
A. It's been way too long
B. I'm super stressed and I think this might take some of it away from me right now.
C. I've gone through a lot of things lately....that could use some sharing.
For the first real time in my life, I had my heart broken. It didn't make sense at all, but I am making more of it now. I've learned a lot about myself and who I am and what i want from a relationship. I hope to remain friends with her forever, because that's the kind of friendship we had. I know it wasn't easy for her either. Sometimes I still kind of question things, but it's all for something right? Besides that, I am dating someone again and it's going well, and I'm pretty happy about it to be completely honest. I fought it for a long time, and I think I felt like it wasn't going to happen because the time had passed. But, of course it's not always my plan or my way...in fact I'm thankful for that. If it were always up to me, I don't know where I would be.
School....OK. I don't know if I have even posted about me actually being excited about school....ever. Well I finally am. I have been taking a Life Planning and Decision making class, and through that and through one of those Strong Interest Inventory tests...you know the ones that ask you a bazillion questions about "Do you like This: (thing) or This: (other thing) Better?" Anyway, after taking that test, it came down and gave me some possible careers to look into. One such, Speech Pathology...which i had thought of before...was one of them. So i looked into it, and went and changed my major and i have my next 4 semesters setup. If everything goes according to plan i should be done in 4 1/2 semesters....I'll take a spring term or something....The only crappy part is the fact that I have to get my masters, so it'll be awhile still. But having an end in sight, and knowing what I'm actually going into makes life a TEENSY bit stressful.
I love music. I know this is nothing new, and I write about it all time. I discovered Aiden. They are kind of rocky/poppy/sorta unique band. I'm listening to them now. They almost remind me somewhat of AFI. ANYWAY, that's not my musical point in this post. I have been taking a Piano class this whole semester. It's been really awesome. You know how when you were a kid, and your parents forced you to take piano lessons? And you absolutely HATED it? Well, I had lessons when i was a young lad about 12 or 13 or so...maybe younger....and I was taking them from my Aunt. Well this particular Aunt had to move to Vegas, so once she moved I really couldn't take from her any longer....although i guess i could have, but those would have been expensive lessons. My other Aunt, actually probably my favorite on my Dad's side...there's only one...hahaha....started teaching us (Us being my sister, Dad, and myself) Now, why she stopped teaching us....I don't think I'll ever know. I just remember wanting to still play, (at least i think i did...i don't remember ever complaining about it) and then we stopped. So I have some very basic formal training, but really not enough to read music and what not. This class has helped me a lot. I am to the point now, where if I sit down and work on a song, I could most likely learn it in an hour or so. Ok maybe not that short of time, but I can do it now where as before I could barely read just the right hand. I love messing around and just having fun, and considering one of the string broke on my guitar recently and I'm too lazy to go buy new ones, I'm forced to play the piano instead.
Well I don't know how much stress this relieved, It kind of took my mind off some things, which is good I guess. I just need to get past the next week and a half, and I'll be good...until next semester starts at least.
Bye!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Obama: New President: Good or bad?
OBAMA WON.....That's cool. That's all I have to say about that.
A lot of people have gotten mad at me for this, however, this is my case:
I did not vote.
Explanation:
A. I never registered. I COULD have, yes i know, AND i had a chance to when i renewed my license But, I did that too late. I guess that's what you get for procrastinating. That's what I do Best.
B. I didn't know hardly anything about anything. I just knew the names, the parties, and nothing than that. So sue me for not being political. The way i see it, voting is actually a pretty big deal. So when something is a big deal, I usually like to know really well the decision i am making. In this case, voting, i would want to know as much as i can from both sides (preferably unbiased....and living in Utah, that's pretty tough to get) before i make a decision on who I'm going to be voting for.
C. Would my vote REALLY have mattered? Utah would have gone Republican, which it did, so even if I had voted, and honestly probably would have gone with Obama, then it wouldn't have made that much difference.
I realize these reasons probably aren't the best. I also realize it's my duty as an American Citizen to vote, however I also have a freedom to NOT vote, and to NOT express my opinion. I chose to exercise the latter. In the future, i may try tuning in more thoroughly in the politics, but that's not for another 4 years. A lot of people think "oh no, the end of the world is coming!!" But really, I personally think and feel Obama won't lead the country astray. It will be an interesting 4 years.
A lot of people have gotten mad at me for this, however, this is my case:
I did not vote.
Explanation:
A. I never registered. I COULD have, yes i know, AND i had a chance to when i renewed my license But, I did that too late. I guess that's what you get for procrastinating. That's what I do Best.
B. I didn't know hardly anything about anything. I just knew the names, the parties, and nothing than that. So sue me for not being political. The way i see it, voting is actually a pretty big deal. So when something is a big deal, I usually like to know really well the decision i am making. In this case, voting, i would want to know as much as i can from both sides (preferably unbiased....and living in Utah, that's pretty tough to get) before i make a decision on who I'm going to be voting for.
C. Would my vote REALLY have mattered? Utah would have gone Republican, which it did, so even if I had voted, and honestly probably would have gone with Obama, then it wouldn't have made that much difference.
I realize these reasons probably aren't the best. I also realize it's my duty as an American Citizen to vote, however I also have a freedom to NOT vote, and to NOT express my opinion. I chose to exercise the latter. In the future, i may try tuning in more thoroughly in the politics, but that's not for another 4 years. A lot of people think "oh no, the end of the world is coming!!" But really, I personally think and feel Obama won't lead the country astray. It will be an interesting 4 years.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
A Sunday Evening Post
Basically I'm bored. That's what it comes down to. Ok, it's also a new Month and i see the last post i made was exactly a month ago today. So i guess a substantial amount of things have happened since then, so i believe an update is due.
Update: Nothing new has happened. There done....now what...
It's been over a month since things with Camille ended. We still talk every now and then, i still miss her when the small things come up, but I'm learning to move on. I never knew break ups could be so hard. But i am grateful for the things i have learned from everything i've experienced over the past month. I've learned a lot about myself, and what i want (at least in the dating/relationship field), and where i need to be.
Living in a highly dense and saturated mormon city, it feels like the pressure to get married and be the perfect family is always surrounding me. But honestly, i don't let it affect me. I know I am in control of my life currently, and I have the means to do what i need to, and to progress (even though i feel like it's been a year since any progression has happened), and do better in departments where I am lacking. Ok this is making no sense. Basically what it comes down to, I am gaining an ability to blow off pressure and people telling me to do something I'm not ready to do. I want to figure my life out for me and for what i want, not what other people think is best for me. I have felt a strong sense of "depression" over the last few months, or maybe even the past year, but I think it's time to get out of that. I don't know how i'm going to get out of that, bu it's going to happen. I am feeling good about a new major, a new direction, and I just want to start fresh on something new.
I am going to abandon Spanish and PDBio altogether, and go with a new direction. In my student development class, we recently went over our Strong Interest Inventory tests. Alot of people speculate how accurate these tests are, however, I feel that if the person answered the questions without thinking about it or answering it how they "wanted" to answer, it's pretty accurate at telling you what you are interested in and where you'd do the best. My top "Theme" is Artistic. I LOVE the arts. Paintings, Art History, Music, Guitar, Anything that has to do with self expression, sincerely fascinate me. However, I know it's not something I would necessarily enjoy doing for a lifetime career. The test told me what I am most interested in, is working the medical field. This i already knew. It also told me I wouldn't necessarily do the best there either. It did however give me some fields i would probably do really well at. One such field I have considered before, and heard mentioned about how amazing it is, and have thought about looking into. Speech Pathology. I don't really know everything that it entails, but i know it's a pretty big field and a needed career as well. A classmate who is in that field, told me about what he knows so far from it. It sounds pretty interesting, and i plan on going to see a counselor tomorrow to talk about it and see the options. I'm pretty excited actually. I'm actualyl excited for something related to school, which makes me happy. It's a first.
As far as school goes now.....I'm not sure where i stand or what to do with my current situation. I have a Spanish test coming up on Wednesday. I haven't been to that class since the last time we had a test....which is very very very bad. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. I just found out last night that i missed a D&C test. I emailed my teacher begging for Mercy, but i'm not sure to what avail since i miss that class farely alot as well. All i know is this: Starting tomorrow November 3rd, 2008, I will miss no more classes if at all possible. I know i have to go to do well, and i want to do well. I really do. I just gotta do it.
A good friend told me once, "Action precedes Motivation." And boy is that true. I just have to figure out how to have motivation to take action to have motivation to do the thing i haven't been doing. It's like a circle or chain. One thing leads to another....
Last night i went and saw Maple Grove play. Mallory Davis is the keyboard player, and has been a good friend of mine for quite a while now. They are pretty awesome.
The Rays made it to the World Series, only to lose 4 games to 1. How dissapointing. How come the team i cheer for can't ever actualyl WIN the championship? Sucks bad. Even BYU isn't doing that well anymore. They BARELY beat CSU...they should have annihalted them. Hopeully the Jazz can do it this year, if anyone deserves it or needs it, they do. GO JAZZ!!
I am good. I think. I think i need to tell myself i am good, and i will be good. Thanks to everyone who keeps in touch with me and cares enough about me to worry about what i'm going through. I've just been going through a semi weird, kind of rough, hard, and confusing time in my life recently. I'm sorry if i've been bugged or annoyed or snippy. I'm just trying to figure my life out, and there are many people that are great and so supportive. I wouldn't make it without you. Thanks.
Update: Nothing new has happened. There done....now what...
It's been over a month since things with Camille ended. We still talk every now and then, i still miss her when the small things come up, but I'm learning to move on. I never knew break ups could be so hard. But i am grateful for the things i have learned from everything i've experienced over the past month. I've learned a lot about myself, and what i want (at least in the dating/relationship field), and where i need to be.
Living in a highly dense and saturated mormon city, it feels like the pressure to get married and be the perfect family is always surrounding me. But honestly, i don't let it affect me. I know I am in control of my life currently, and I have the means to do what i need to, and to progress (even though i feel like it's been a year since any progression has happened), and do better in departments where I am lacking. Ok this is making no sense. Basically what it comes down to, I am gaining an ability to blow off pressure and people telling me to do something I'm not ready to do. I want to figure my life out for me and for what i want, not what other people think is best for me. I have felt a strong sense of "depression" over the last few months, or maybe even the past year, but I think it's time to get out of that. I don't know how i'm going to get out of that, bu it's going to happen. I am feeling good about a new major, a new direction, and I just want to start fresh on something new.
I am going to abandon Spanish and PDBio altogether, and go with a new direction. In my student development class, we recently went over our Strong Interest Inventory tests. Alot of people speculate how accurate these tests are, however, I feel that if the person answered the questions without thinking about it or answering it how they "wanted" to answer, it's pretty accurate at telling you what you are interested in and where you'd do the best. My top "Theme" is Artistic. I LOVE the arts. Paintings, Art History, Music, Guitar, Anything that has to do with self expression, sincerely fascinate me. However, I know it's not something I would necessarily enjoy doing for a lifetime career. The test told me what I am most interested in, is working the medical field. This i already knew. It also told me I wouldn't necessarily do the best there either. It did however give me some fields i would probably do really well at. One such field I have considered before, and heard mentioned about how amazing it is, and have thought about looking into. Speech Pathology. I don't really know everything that it entails, but i know it's a pretty big field and a needed career as well. A classmate who is in that field, told me about what he knows so far from it. It sounds pretty interesting, and i plan on going to see a counselor tomorrow to talk about it and see the options. I'm pretty excited actually. I'm actualyl excited for something related to school, which makes me happy. It's a first.
As far as school goes now.....I'm not sure where i stand or what to do with my current situation. I have a Spanish test coming up on Wednesday. I haven't been to that class since the last time we had a test....which is very very very bad. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. I just found out last night that i missed a D&C test. I emailed my teacher begging for Mercy, but i'm not sure to what avail since i miss that class farely alot as well. All i know is this: Starting tomorrow November 3rd, 2008, I will miss no more classes if at all possible. I know i have to go to do well, and i want to do well. I really do. I just gotta do it.
A good friend told me once, "Action precedes Motivation." And boy is that true. I just have to figure out how to have motivation to take action to have motivation to do the thing i haven't been doing. It's like a circle or chain. One thing leads to another....
Last night i went and saw Maple Grove play. Mallory Davis is the keyboard player, and has been a good friend of mine for quite a while now. They are pretty awesome.
The Rays made it to the World Series, only to lose 4 games to 1. How dissapointing. How come the team i cheer for can't ever actualyl WIN the championship? Sucks bad. Even BYU isn't doing that well anymore. They BARELY beat CSU...they should have annihalted them. Hopeully the Jazz can do it this year, if anyone deserves it or needs it, they do. GO JAZZ!!
I am good. I think. I think i need to tell myself i am good, and i will be good. Thanks to everyone who keeps in touch with me and cares enough about me to worry about what i'm going through. I've just been going through a semi weird, kind of rough, hard, and confusing time in my life recently. I'm sorry if i've been bugged or annoyed or snippy. I'm just trying to figure my life out, and there are many people that are great and so supportive. I wouldn't make it without you. Thanks.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
This Life i Live
This Life. Wow...what a fun time huh? It is currently 2:11 am. I am awake, when my eyes tell me they are sleepy and want to rest, but my brain and soul cannot rest. How can things seem to be so perfect one moment, and then shatter to the ground in the blink of a tired eye. I can't understand everything, I don't expect to, especially when nothing makes any sense. All that i do know, is I honestly feel OK with things. I don't know what that means, but I guess it's not bad. I only know I've become closer to Camille than i have ever been with anyone else, and I really hope she can figure things out. I know we all cross paths with people in our lives for a certain reason. I am pretty sure I know the reason, or one of the reasons Camille and I have crossed paths, and i will take those lessons into my life and hopefully will be able to apply them, and be better because of her. I randomly wrote a poem about how i feel right now. Unusual, since i don't usually write poems. I guess new experiences bring new things to the board. Who knows, i may even make it into a song.
Aren't God's Creations awesome?
Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?
Mishna.
This life.
This life i live.
This life we live.
Living and loving, that's what it's about.
How we do it, depends on us.
The choices, decisions, and paths we choose to follow.
The people we meet, friends we make.
Those we fall in love with, those who break our hearts,
Those who know us best
It is not all for nothing.
There is a purpose.
A purpose i do not fully know.
Knowing this is all i care about right now.
This life we live
This life I live
This life.
Aren't God's Creations awesome?
Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?
Mishna.
This life.
This life i live.
This life we live.
Living and loving, that's what it's about.
How we do it, depends on us.
The choices, decisions, and paths we choose to follow.
The people we meet, friends we make.
Those we fall in love with, those who break our hearts,
Those who know us best
It is not all for nothing.
There is a purpose.
A purpose i do not fully know.
Knowing this is all i care about right now.
This life we live
This life I live
This life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)