Re-Route please?

Well here i am at work. Unusual? Probably not, considering i am here everyday. Today is the 24th of the month. I know it's September, but that's really beside the point. Today at work I will be flooded with calls from people asking "My order has a shipping date of the 24th, can I please stop or cancel the order?" OK, first of all the orders print off at like 5 am. Once the order is printed, there is really almost nothing we can do. It's not like I can walk over to the warehouse, and find their order, unbox it, tear up the order form, and process the refund. It IS possible, but 100% not feasible. There are literally thousands of orders printed off everyday, and on the 24th and 25th, even more. Even more, you have TWENTY THREE days to call and stop your order from shipping. It's really not that hard. If your order has already been sent out, i can't even call UPS to send it back to us for at least 2 days. THEN sometimes they won't even let me. It'd be better if everyone just got with the program, and watched your own back. That'd be nice. Now for the real reason I'm writing this entry today.

To know where i am coming from, it might be best for you to read a former entry, Changing Gears. When i decided to drop my classes that semester, long ago, i felt like that was the right thing to do at that time. I don't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do. As far as right now, I feel more committed to school, more committed to my life and what i want it to be. I'm still not 100% sure where my life will lead, or where I will be going with all this, but I feel like PDBio is still the right direction. I am retaking Chemistry 105 this semester, the class i had such a hard time and struggled with exactly a year ago. I'm already feeling like I understand it better, I'm getting a better grasp on it, and I'll be able to get through it better than a D-. If i get a C, that's fine with me. I'm aiming for a B. I know an A is pretty much impossible since the after grade in the class is a C, and that hasn't ever really changed. I know there are people in the class that do get A's, but heck there are people that get 4.0's graduating in Law. Yes, there are geniuses on this earth. Desafortunadamente, I'm not one of them, and I'm honestly ok with that. We are all given different gifts and talents, and being a genius is not one of mine. I'm smart enough, however, to get through Chemistry and through my current standing major. I love the idea of helping people improve their lives, and giving of myself and time. I probably won't end up going to medical school, or even be a doctor. But as someone very close to me right now has really made me realize, there ARE other options besides being a doctor. I want to succeed. I want to have a plan. I feel like after the last hour of the morning, i feel like i have a plan again.

I don't know where this is all coming from, but I have a pretty good idea. I've had so many, i guess you could call them "signs" that i CAN do Chemistry. We got a new roommate named Ryan, and what is his career plan? To study a language and go pre-med. He's in Chem 105 right now, and works in a doctor's office and is looking into maybe getting me a job there. Sunday at church, I was doing interviews with my Bishop, well being there while he did interviews, and met a girl named Jennifer. What does she do? Why she works in the Chemistry Department at BYU. She has office hours that no one comes in to, AND she has the EXACT same bday as me...10/04/1984. (yes my birthday is in a week and a half...i accept anything. Cash is nice too. You can make checks out to Jeff Mabey. Thanks) Anyway, i feel like I'm being directed right now, and being offered all the help i can get, and i need to take advantage of that. I just know all i need to do is figure out how to do well in school....and in life. That's what it's all about right? Summing it up, I'm re-routing gears. Back to the old. We'll see....

I'm currently taking a Student Development class entitled, Life Planning and Decision Making. I don't know why I didn't get into it before. We really haven't delved much into making big decisions, but the small things we've done and the things we have talked about, have made sense and made me think alot about my future and decisions i need to make. Even though BYU is a tough school, and sometimes i feel like I'm not cut out to be here, I really do like going to school at a great University. Oh and our Football team is doing awesome too. Never hurt anyone :)

New Month, New Post, New Me?

What a Beautiful Creature

No. The new me is NOT a Giraffe. Although maybe I should look into getting one.....

There have been a few people on my back (good thing Giraffe's have long necks and backs....) about writing a new entry. Ok not really a lot of people, mainly just ONE person...and they know who they are...(Insert sound Giraffe makes here) Speaking of, does anyone know what sound a Giraffe makes? When teaching a child sounds that different animals make, how does a teacher instruct a child what this sound is? Do Giraffes make sounds? This is a mystery...one that must be resolved.

To discover this unknown and unsolved sound mystery, we will turn to the two best places i know online. Google and Wikipedia. Even though i'm sure most college professors, and high school teachers would discourage using Wikipedia as a source, i find it pretty much amazing and love it. I mean look at THIS. Just scroll down a bit, and click on Sounds and WahLah. For all you lazy people, i will quote here.

"Although generally quiet and not vocal, giraffes have been heard to make various sounds. Courting males will emit loud coughs. Females will call their young by whistling or bellowing. Calves will bleat, moo, or make mewing sounds. In addition, giraffes will grunt, snort, hiss, or make strange flute-like sounds. Recent research has shown evidence that the animal communicates at an infrasound level"

My first question on this statement of a Giraffe's noise emissions: Does anyone know where i can hear the "Strange flue-like sound?" I'd be quite interested in finding out. I think it's kind of cool, however, that to court a hot Giraffe babe, all the guy has to do is cough and hack. I'm glad humans don't use this technique, i just can't imagine it going to well for the guys.....

Guy: (See's attractive girl) "Hi, will you.... *Cough Cough*..."
Girl: (disgusted look on her face) "are you ok? Do you smoke? Do you have bronchitis? Are you contagious? Should I cover my mouth when I'm talking to you? What is it you wanted to ask me?"
Guy: *stops coughing, puts head down and walks away*

I imagine a Giraffe Courtship (more specifically a BYU courtship) goes something similar to this:

Jack Giraffe: "Hey so i was *hack hack, cough cough, wheeeze* wondering if you would like to *grunt, cough, hack hack* go to the homecoming *COUGH* dance with me?"
Bethany Giraffe: (thinking to herself) 'wow he's really got the moves with all that coughing going on' "Well ok...i was planning on going with Jerome Giraffe, but he didn't have a big COUGH at the end like you did there."
Jack Giraffe: *COUGH COUGH....(lung comes flying out and hits Bethany in the face)*
Bethany Giraffe: "Let's get married tomorrow?"

Giraffes seem to have it easy. I actually wish dating were that easy. I guess if dating wasn't hard, it wouldn't really be worth it in the end. I suppose. I can't complain though right with my current situation.

I have an older sister named Camille. I have known her for 23 years, 10 months, and 27 days (something close to that). I also have an Aunt Camille who i believe i have known since i was born. One of my best friends sisters name is Camille, although she goes by Cami. Mike married a Cami (also short for Camille). Chad is marrying a girl named Cami (also short for Camille). Counting (yeah i can count, sometimes), that makes 5 Camilles that I am associated with. Chad's Camille i don't really know. Even without her, it makes 4. Lets be honest, Camille is not the most popular name. There's nothing wrong with the name, it's a great name. According to the Social Security Website, the name Camille was ranked #369 in 1982 (the year my sister was born). It seems only, fewer people gave the name Camille to their daughter than say the name Ashley, Amy, Brooke, Jessica, Gertrude (ok that one probably isnt' true), etc. So I mean who would have guessed that I would date a Camille? I mean it's not like i planned on it, it just happens right?

In previous posts I have talked about girls I met online, have dated, wanted to date, etc. Those posts at that time were true and had much deep felt thought and time put into them, and since I put my truest feeling in them, I received much guff and crap from a lot of people. I guess a blog isn't the best place to put ALL your feelings, but I felt like they needed to be shared at that time. Let me just give a little expwanashon of the newest addition to the Camille's in my life.

(Name removed) is her name. She is awesome. If there was one word to sum her up, that would be it. Awesome. She's from Idaho, the not-so-small-as-I-previously-had-thought town of Pocatello. Her Dad is not a potato farmer (believe it or not there are people that have other occupations in Idaho besides Potato farmers. Amazing i know). She has a simple and good family. Strong in the gospel, good morals, and good overall people. Camille and I met online. Go figure. I really didn't expect anything else to come from online dating after I ended things with Allison. Actually, I decided to cancel my membership to the dating site I was using, and met Camille before it actually expired. I guess good things happen for a reason right? Well we've been officially dating now for over a month. I can't believe how fast the time flies, it's really just incredible. Don't start asking me when we are getting married because A. We are in no rush at all to worry about that. B. We've known each other for like 2 months (I know at BYU that's almost too long right? Good thing she lives in Sugar House and graduated from Utah State and wasn't ever a BYU girl, so dating longer than 2 months flies right? =] ) As far as how things are going....things are going well. We're having fun dating, and for now that's what's important. Oh, and did i mention i'm just over a month older than her? Yeah. Pretty rad. Camille number six, added to the list. (almost a rhyme. Go me.)

As far as the rest of my life goes, I don't really know what to say. I'm still stuck at Nuskin. I love the company, I really do. I just wish I could move up. I try, and it doesn't happen. Perhaps it's just not meant to be. School....I'm registered...which is something i suppose. I still don't know what to do with my life. I'm still going to major in spanish, (Changing Gears), but other than that I just don't know. If anyone could figure it out for me, that would be FANTABULOUS. I really don't want anyone to tell me what to do. I can and WILL figure things out. I have to. I'm retaking Chem 105 again this semester (Again because I was in it a second time, but dropped all my classes...), and this time I plan on sticking to it. I really do WANT to understand it and be able to advance. I'm sure it's pretty sweet stuff once you fully understand it. I'm trying to get into a piano class as well. I have always had the strongest desire to play the piano, and since I know the basics, I'm pretty sure I could pick it up pretty quickly. School will be interesting.

Well I think this post can make up for the lost time and lost Jeffrey Scott Mabey many of you people have been searching for. Recently I've pondered about going by Jeffrey instead of Jeff. I don't know why, it just sounds more mature and I think I actually like it. I dunno. I guess that's another thing to figure out. I find the name of my blog Ironic. Half the time I write, I write about me trying to figure life out. Sometimes I think i'm really not that good at living life and being good at it. But hey, I'm trying my best. That's all that matters right? I suppose.

Mishna.

Some cosas...Ok just some random stufff!!

It's Sunday night, and the moon is bright....well not yet actually, since it's not even 8:00 yet when I'm starting this. But who cares.

I have decided that there are some things that irk me, yes I-R-K, and I'd like to share them with the world. I could try and put these in some kind of order, and i might have to do that after i get them all down and commented on. We will see.

My List of Things that I-R-K the crap out me

1. Folding Laundry. Seriously. I can guarantee that there is not one person on this planet that actually enjoys folding their own clothes after getting them out of the dryer. How many teenagers have rooms that look like a shop vac full of clothes finally overloaded and exploded leaving clothes everywhere. If it wasn't so...unattractive...to have a neat and tidy room, I'm sure i would have jeans hanging from my light in my room, shirts gone missing, and socks being carried away by rats. OK my room doesn't have a rat infestation, that i know of...perhaps i should invest in some Mouse/Rat traps just to be sure. Actually, i kind of have always wanted a pet Rat. I hear they make great little friends....just not to kids. Good thing i don't have kids
2. Celery. Enough said.
3. Pickles. Whoever thought about taking a vegetable, Cucumber, and soaking it in raw evil...OK Vinegar isn't really evil, but I'm sure it's available in Hell....is one messed up person. People tell me "oh you have to try this kind of pickle. It's better than this other kind" OK...think about this. If i go out and eat a rock and it's gross, do you really think a different kind of Rock is going to taste better? Highly unlikely. A pickle is a pickle, and Pickles are disgusting. Even the word makes me wanna hurl. A world without pickles, would be a better world indeed.
4. People who ride your tail while driving, when the person in front of you is going slow and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it because everyone on either side is going the same speed. I hate it so bad. If you get on my tail, at all even if we are the only two cars on the road for 1000 miles, i will slow down to below 10 of the speed limit. You can pass me when you have the chance, and for all i care flip me off. I will just wave and smile as if i did nothing wrong. Because i didn't. However i am guilty for speeding myself. I do find it interesting though when I'm going 80 on the freeway, the speed limit is 65, and there are people flying past me. No wonder I've never had a speeding ticket. THAT'S what speeding is. Oh and back to my original thought....I CAN'T do anything. SO GET OFF MY BUMPER!!!
5. Thongs. OK....as a guy i feel i am entitled to this. The Thong, i suppose one could say is just underwear. Which is true. And as I'm sure MOST any guy would agree, CAN BE attractive. HOWEVER, there are certain circumstances and places it's just not right. For example: When you are at a church activity, and you are wearing a dress made of thin black material, and the sun is shining and shines right through it, thus illuminating for all the world to see. Some things just need to be kept private from the whole world. Sure for a husband, fiance, or perhaps even a boyfriend i suppose one could say wearing thongs is attractive. Along those same lines, we don't need to see it when you bend over. Usually it's pretty obvious...OK not all the time, but usually one can tell....we just don't need to see it to be sure. This is my matter of opinion, nothing more :) If you have the body to wear one, or don't and still choose to....well that's your decision. But as far as I'm concerned, we don't need to see it! I guess on the flip side, Granny Panties aren't any better either. Unless of course you're a granny. Then it's OK. And hot.
   
6. Ignorance. Mainly this comes from my being a member of the LDS Church. It really doesn't bother me as much as it's just annoying. Before assuming something, or saying something, make sure you go to the source first. I don't go into a McDonald's and ask "How much fat does a Nacho Cheese Chalupa have in it?" Then go on the corner of the street by a taco bell with a sign that says "Chalupas have 9,000 grams of fat. It will lead you to death and destruction." Go to the source, find out the truth and facts before you make any judgments. *note to reader. I actually do enjoy a Nacho Cheese Chalupa every once in a while.
7. Straws-I suppose one could argue this invention revolutionized drinking from a paper cup. However, i feel it is much more refreshing drinking directly from the glass. You can feel the ice on your lips, feel the liquid rush past your teeth, and overall it's a better experience. I suppose it DOES facilitate drinking if you only like a little bit at a time, or you have a mouth that only opens 2 cm, or you are handicap and need a straw. Those are about the only exceptions i can think of. I guess if you like straws, you can have mine. Down with straws!!
8. People who haven't seen the Goonies. Again, enough said. If you are reading this and haven't seen it. Call me right now and we will watch it. Thank you.
9. Blog entries that don't save the font like i want it to. I only say this because the stupid font keeps reverting back to the small font from my "Note to reader." I don't understand it, and would like some help on figuring out on how to make it work right. That'd be great. Thanks.
   

Well that's all I can think of right now. Currently I have a pile of clothes on my bed, thus inspiring this blog entry. I know it really isn't too exciting and i do apologize for that. Oh well. Get over it. Or just live your life and be better at it OK?

So what

So basically it's been a long time since i've written. Life is going by pretty freaking fast and crazy. I can't really explain anything, or why it is as it is. Oh well.

Catch up:

Still don't know what i'm going to do with my life. I was at my parents house this past Sunday, and had everyone asking me what i'm going to do with my life. Heck if I know. And of course when everyone, oh yeah everyone consists of: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Sister....is asking what you're going to do, they give their advice too. Basically what it comes down to, is probably just me majoring in Spanish and doing something with my life that i don't know. So if anyone has any bright ideas at what i should do, let me know k?

Weddings. I've gone to one, and there will be 2 more done by this weekend. I have one today, Blake Ross, and one on Saturday, Ace Stryker. It's crazy. I still can't fathom Mike and Jake getting married. I guess its just that time of life right?

Stuff: I went on a river trip a week ago. River Rafting for a week, seriously amazing. It's the second year in a row i've done it. I am pretty sure it will become a yearly thing. My roommate Mike was telling me how it just helps him relax, and it's his power-charging trip for the year. I think it's going to have the same affect on me as well. It was so nice to just relax, and not worry about anything at all. Fabulousness.

Right now it is 3:24 am. I am at work right now, taking calls from Spain....basically (i use that word alot) i get paid $16.93 for doing nothing. Can't complain.

I don't really know what else to write about. Thats it for now...life is about the same as usual. Only i am kind of dating a girl right now. But i learned from past experiences that writing details isn't a good thing cuz people get the wrong idea and i never hear the end of it....so if you want to know details, you'll have to ask :)

That is all. Have fun not reading more :)

I'm Proud to be an American

Today is July 7th. What does that mean? Well 2 things. 1) It's Monday and it sucks cuz i'm at work. 2) July 4th has come and past. I really meant to write a post ON the 4th, i just never got around to it. Anyway This is my post for the 4th.

Basically, to me, being a citizen of the United States is probably one of the best things ever. There is a feeling of patriotism and pride that is indescribable. I believe that citizens of other nations feel pride for their country also. During the Olympics the people wear their colors, and raise their flags with Pride. However i firmly believe that being part of the greatest nation on earth, knowing what our fore fathers have gone through, seeing how many people want to COME to the US, it really is obvious I live in the greatest nation on the earth.

I'm an emotional person. So sue me. Whenever i sing the national anthem in a group of people, or hear it on the 4th of July, and just ponder what it really means to be an American Citizen, it gets to me. I don't usually cry or sob or whatever, normally it just really touches me. In a manera unica....u unique way, that nothing else can do. I know many, many, many, many people hate George Bush, and hate the politics of the United States, but i am a firm believer that the leaders of America really do their best, as far as they know how, and as good as they can. No one is perfect, people make mistakes. I am also a firm believer that our founding fathers were guided and lead by God in forming the constitution, breaking away from England, and claiming our Independence from Great Britain. I really am so thankful for everything they went through to give me what i know now as the best Country in the world.

Having spent 2 years in Bolivia on a mission, my eyes were really opened to how lucky I am. People in the world hate the United States. They hate George Bush. They hate what America stands for. But why then, do people migrate to the US like crazy? Despite what they say, they know it is a truly blessed country. There are many opportunities in other countries to have a great life, and to prosper. It is possible. Bolivia has so much potential, the only problem is the people are so used to living poor, they don't believe it possible to come out of the poverty they are stuck in. I guess all you can do is just instruct and try to teach the people. You give a man a fish....and teach him how to live life and be good at it.

God Bless the U.S.A.

(Some of my Favorite American songs)

God Bless the U.S.A.
By Lee Greenwood
If tomorrow all the things were gone I’d worked for all my life,
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars to be living here today,
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee,
across the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea,

From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA,
Well, there’s pride in every American heart,
and it’s time to stand and say:

I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

AMERICA

Written by Neil Diamond

Far
We've been traveling far
Without a home
But not without a star

Free
Only want to be free
We huddle close
Hang on to a dream

On the boats and on the planes
They're coming to America
Never looking back again
They're coming to America

Home, don't it seem so far away
Oh, we're traveling light today
In the eye of the storm
In the eye of the storm

Home, to a new and a shiny place
Make our bed, and we'll say our grace
Freedom's light burning warm
Freedom's light burning warm

Everywhere around the world
They're coming to America
Every time that flag's unfurled
They're coming to America

Got a dream to take them there
They're coming to America
Got a dream they've come to share
They're coming to America

They're coming to America
They're coming to America
They're coming to America
They're coming to America
Today, today, today, today, today

My country 'tis of thee
Today
Sweet land of liberty
Today
Of thee I sing
Today
Of thee I sing
Today

And of course, the best of all:

The Star Spangled Banner

By Francis Scott Key

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light, What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight, O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming? And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there. O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave? On the shore dimly seen thro' the mists of the deep, Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes, What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep, As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses? Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam, In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream: 'T is the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand,
Between their lov'd homes and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us as a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause. it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

I love America.

Nothing in Particular

Right now, i have nothing in particular to talk about. I can't even think of something to just go off on. But all i know is i miss writing, and it's been awhile. I think i will compose a list of things I have always wanted to do, or do before i die. Also known as a bucket list. (The movie was ok...Morgan Freeman is one of my heroes, so it would make sense that i liked it. Other than him being in it, it wasn't that great.) I'm sure i will add to it more, maybe on a separate post, or this one. I dunno.

Bueno, Ya viene.

Jefe's Bucket List (in no particular order)

1. Travel the world-Basically i just want to take like 2 years and go everywhere. All through S. America (Knowing Spanish makes that easier, and more enjoyable). Asia, Europe-Italy, France, More of Spain, England, Ireland, etc. Finland, Greenland, Alaska
2. See every state in the U.S.
   
3. Go to Antarctica
4. Scuba dive a pirate ship wreck
   
5. Learn the harmonica
6. Learn the Piano
7. Read the WHOLE Bible (I know i should have done this by now, but i have not. So sue me!)
   
8. Learn how to cook....well....
9. Learn Dueling Banjos on the Banjo...and the guitar
10. Learn to PLAY the Banjo
11. Sleep an entire day
12. Buy a motorcycle
13. Eat Sushi
14. Start my own company
15. Name one of my future daughters Cielo
16. Grow a mustache
17. Be able to run a mile in 5 minutes
18. Be on TV
19. Record a song with me playing all the parts
20. Donate a million dollars to a Charity
21. Have a picture I've taken published in a newspaper or magazine
22. Catch a fly ball
23. Sit on the front row at the NBA Finals (only if the Jazz are in it)
24. Own a Porsche
25. Pet Rat
26. Have a dog named Gozath
27. Build a car from the bottom up
28. Graduate from School
    
29. Go Skydiving
    
30. Last for now, but definitely not least: Get married in the temple and have a family. (corny i know, but true)

Ok. So there is my list. It's in no particular order, and there are some things that are more important to me than others, but since there is no order, no one will ever know!! HAHAHA...k that was unnecessary. Hasta luego para ahora.

This is my Take

Well People...it seems things didn't work out with Allison. I know some of my previous posts may have alluded to me saying she really was the chosen one, but let me give my philosophy on this. Is there really a soul mate for everyone? I don't believe so. Even an Apostle, i can't remember who, said that any two members of the church that uphold the standards and morals, could work well together and be a happy eternal couple/family. Now of course by no means am i saying that ANYONE would be perfect for me...since there are personalities that clash, and some things just can't be worked out. As far as Allison goes, here's my take.

I met Allison during a time in my life when i was really kind of starting to feel like nothing good would come to me. She came to me, and it was amazing. Every moment i spent with her, was just amazing and i didn't have any worries in the world. Of course most people would say "you're crazy for letting her go," but as happy as i was, i just didn't feel like it was going to be a permanent thing. I don't know why. I can't explain it. And to this day, i cannot for the life of me begin to understand why things have worked out the way they did. I heard a quote, or something, that talked about how people come into your lives during a "season" for different reasons. (no rhyme intended) Do i truly believe that it was meant to be for us to meet. Yes. Absolutely. I learned many many things from Allison. One of them: The feeling of truly being loved, and to feel a love for someone "unico" (only...solely...). I know that in the future, I will be able to tell the difference between a "crush" and love, whereas I wouldn't have been able to before. Another thing, and although this is more on the physical side, I finally got my first kiss. AND for the record, it WAS amazing, and i DO NOT regret kissing her one bit. I was fortunate enough to be one of the lucky few people in this world who didn't have a "Wasted first kiss." I truly felt it meant something. It did mean something. She is an amazing kisser, and i truly do envy the guy that ends up with her. One other thing i really really learned was more of many things...i just learned what i want in my future wife. I know the qualities i will look for, and the qualities i need to have in my life. I know what i deserve now. I deserve someone like Allison. Someone that will love me unconditionally for who i am and what i stand for. Someone that loves our Heavenly Father as much as i do.

So my question to myself, and to any of you out there reading this: Why not Allison? You didn't give it enough time! Well sometimes time is just not needed to know. We could date for 2 years and i could feel the same way the whole time, and it would have been 2 years when either one of us could have found our future spouse. Like i said, i cannot answer this question. From the first time i had this "Doubt" i have not understood it at all. It doesn't make sense. But i do know how i feel, and how i've felt, and what i need in my life currently. I do not want to lose her of course, but it seems it was the best option for me, for us, to move on with our lives. I've never really "abandoned" someone before that i have liked, or had a thing with, or dated. I've normally stayed friends with them...well until now. And i'm hoping to do the same with her. I think we may need some time apart and such to get over it, but i know we can be good friends, even though it is not something she is used to. :)

Will i find someone exactly like her? I hope not, since no two people are exactly alike. Will i find someone who will hate to say good bye to me at 3 am? Maybe not. Will i find someone who can and will love me like she does/has? I sure hope so. I am sad, but i am happy too because i know things will work out for the best for both of us. She is an amazing person, and deserves someone amazing and will get it in her life. People come into our lives for a season, for a time, for a reason. For what that is, only we can know. I know why she came into my life, and no one can take that away from me. I will always cherish and hold close the experiences i shared with her.

So now that this stage of my life is over, for now, i'm not sure what will happen. Of course i will go on dating other girls. But i think now, i might have more confidence where as i may not have had much before. Yet another reason. Thanks to all of you who have cared, and shown interest in my well being. I find that more people read, or at least hear about my blog, than i may have previously thought. THANKS! And again, i'm just trying to go about my life and be good at it. Doing the best i can. Doing the best i know how!