Reflections

I think I may have mentioned this before, but this year has changed me a lot. I am a very different person than i was this time last year. I will probably write about all this in more detail later on, but for now this will suffice.

1. I have a career goal. For the first time since before i started college and was just excited to get back into school, i actually feel excited to start the upcoming semester. I no longer feel it is going to be a waste of time as i have for the past year or so. It's a good feeling having at least some kind of direction.

2. 22 1/2 years i hadn't ever kissed a girl, and in one year I have kissed 3. I wouldn't say I've been a player because each of the 3 girls i've kissed, have been special and meaningful. Along these same lines, having been in relationships i have learned a lot about myself. Mainly self confidence and appreciation for good quality people.

3. My Grandmother passed away on June 9th of this year. I know that people die everyday, but it was really the first time anyone actually close to me, that I've known my whole life, has passed on. I guess the main reason this has changed me is just because it's really made me realize how precious life is, and that I should spend my time better. I probably don't even listen to my own words and advice as much as i should, but that's the truth. I wish i could have spent more time with her before she left us, but I know she is happier where she is and she is watching over me.

4. Weddings. I have had so many friends get married this past year, including two of my best friends. This hasn't made me WANT to get married, but it's something I know needs to be thought about and is in my upcoming future. I really cannot even imagine being married soon or even engaged for that matter, but if it were to come along I'm pretty sure I would welcome it.

5. Spiritual wellness. I am not where i want to be, and I know I need to improve. I love my current calling in my ward, and the opportunity i have to work side by side with my Bishop. I've kind of slacked off a little bit, but i think it has a lot to do with the end of this semester. I love my Bishop though, he's amazing and such an understanding man. Sometimes i really wonder what it would be like not being a member of the church. As hard as it is to live up to some of the standards, I know it's the best thing I can do for myself.

6. Music. My appreciation has grown. I am actually writing my own songs, playing in different tunings, learning the piano (and loving it), and just appreciating it more than i ever did before.

7-10: An overall appreciation for life. I've tried to be happier, tried to be more positive, learned more about myself in this year than I ever thought possible. It's kinda crazy just to think of how much I've been through in my life, and then this year happens. It's kinda awesome honestly. I remember a lesson Rhett Gagon gave in my sisters ward about trying to live life more like Christ, to try and think daily how to be more like him in any small way. I think that if everyone tried to do that, the world would be a better place. No, I KNOW it would be a better place. Even if you don't believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior, still just following his example and the way he lived his life when he was here, would resolve so many conflicts. Plus during this time of year, people are generally nicer and more giving. If we could just keep that attitude the rest of the year.


I applied for a new job. I should find out soon if i got it....I'd be quite excited if I do.

For Anyone Curious....

My Piano recital was today.

1. The Piece I played, entitled "Sleep Baby, Sleep", I played actually really well. I surprised even myself.
2. The Duet was awesome. We played "Up on the House Tops" The first page we played basically flawless, but the second line of the second page....yeah we totally butchered it. Amber, my partner, started to kind of chuckle...which made me start laughing, and then she completely busted out. I was so lost, so i just picked up on a spot i knew we both could play...and we finished...except we are supposed to finish on the same note, but i finished a count ahead of her. It was pretty awesome. Lucky for us, our teacher is way rad and she told the class afterward that she gave everyone full credit. Woo hoo!!

I love the piano. Anyone wanna give me some pointers? That'd be awesome!

So you're telling me there's a chance.....

Do i really have time to be doing this right now? NO. Not really. But i'm doing it anyway cuz...well i need to.....

A. It's been way too long
B. I'm super stressed and I think this might take some of it away from me right now.
C. I've gone through a lot of things lately....that could use some sharing.

For the first real time in my life, I had my heart broken. It didn't make sense at all, but I am making more of it now. I've learned a lot about myself and who I am and what i want from a relationship. I hope to remain friends with her forever, because that's the kind of friendship we had. I know it wasn't easy for her either. Sometimes I still kind of question things, but it's all for something right? Besides that, I am dating someone again and it's going well, and I'm pretty happy about it to be completely honest. I fought it for a long time, and I think I felt like it wasn't going to happen because the time had passed. But, of course it's not always my plan or my way...in fact I'm thankful for that. If it were always up to me, I don't know where I would be.

School....OK. I don't know if I have even posted about me actually being excited about school....ever. Well I finally am. I have been taking a Life Planning and Decision making class, and through that and through one of those Strong Interest Inventory tests...you know the ones that ask you a bazillion questions about "Do you like This: (thing) or This: (other thing) Better?" Anyway, after taking that test, it came down and gave me some possible careers to look into. One such, Speech Pathology...which i had thought of before...was one of them. So i looked into it, and went and changed my major and i have my next 4 semesters setup. If everything goes according to plan i should be done in 4 1/2 semesters....I'll take a spring term or something....The only crappy part is the fact that I have to get my masters, so it'll be awhile still. But having an end in sight, and knowing what I'm actually going into makes life a TEENSY bit stressful.

I love music. I know this is nothing new, and I write about it all time. I discovered Aiden. They are kind of rocky/poppy/sorta unique band. I'm listening to them now. They almost remind me somewhat of AFI. ANYWAY, that's not my musical point in this post. I have been taking a Piano class this whole semester. It's been really awesome. You know how when you were a kid, and your parents forced you to take piano lessons? And you absolutely HATED it? Well, I had lessons when i was a young lad about 12 or 13 or so...maybe younger....and I was taking them from my Aunt. Well this particular Aunt had to move to Vegas, so once she moved I really couldn't take from her any longer....although i guess i could have, but those would have been expensive lessons. My other Aunt, actually probably my favorite on my Dad's side...there's only one...hahaha....started teaching us (Us being my sister, Dad, and myself) Now, why she stopped teaching us....I don't think I'll ever know. I just remember wanting to still play, (at least i think i did...i don't remember ever complaining about it) and then we stopped. So I have some very basic formal training, but really not enough to read music and what not. This class has helped me a lot. I am to the point now, where if I sit down and work on a song, I could most likely learn it in an hour or so. Ok maybe not that short of time, but I can do it now where as before I could barely read just the right hand. I love messing around and just having fun, and considering one of the string broke on my guitar recently and I'm too lazy to go buy new ones, I'm forced to play the piano instead.

Well I don't know how much stress this relieved, It kind of took my mind off some things, which is good I guess. I just need to get past the next week and a half, and I'll be good...until next semester starts at least.

Bye!

no. nuh uh. nada.

Life=Not fun. At least not right now.

Obama: New President: Good or bad?

OBAMA WON.....That's cool. That's all I have to say about that.

A lot of people have gotten mad at me for this, however, this is my case:

I did not vote.

Explanation:

A. I never registered. I COULD have, yes i know, AND i had a chance to when i renewed my license But, I did that too late. I guess that's what you get for procrastinating. That's what I do Best.

B. I didn't know hardly anything about anything. I just knew the names, the parties, and nothing than that. So sue me for not being political. The way i see it, voting is actually a pretty big deal. So when something is a big deal, I usually like to know really well the decision i am making. In this case, voting, i would want to know as much as i can from both sides (preferably unbiased....and living in Utah, that's pretty tough to get) before i make a decision on who I'm going to be voting for.

C. Would my vote REALLY have mattered? Utah would have gone Republican, which it did, so even if I had voted, and honestly probably would have gone with Obama, then it wouldn't have made that much difference.

I realize these reasons probably aren't the best. I also realize it's my duty as an American Citizen to vote, however I also have a freedom to NOT vote, and to NOT express my opinion. I chose to exercise the latter. In the future, i may try tuning in more thoroughly in the politics, but that's not for another 4 years. A lot of people think "oh no, the end of the world is coming!!" But really, I personally think and feel Obama won't lead the country astray. It will be an interesting 4 years.

A Sunday Evening Post

Basically I'm bored. That's what it comes down to. Ok, it's also a new Month and i see the last post i made was exactly a month ago today. So i guess a substantial amount of things have happened since then, so i believe an update is due.

Update: Nothing new has happened. There done....now what...

It's been over a month since things with Camille ended. We still talk every now and then, i still miss her when the small things come up, but I'm learning to move on. I never knew break ups could be so hard. But i am grateful for the things i have learned from everything i've experienced over the past month. I've learned a lot about myself, and what i want (at least in the dating/relationship field), and where i need to be.

Living in a highly dense and saturated mormon city, it feels like the pressure to get married and be the perfect family is always surrounding me. But honestly, i don't let it affect me. I know I am in control of my life currently, and I have the means to do what i need to, and to progress (even though i feel like it's been a year since any progression has happened), and do better in departments where I am lacking. Ok this is making no sense. Basically what it comes down to, I am gaining an ability to blow off pressure and people telling me to do something I'm not ready to do. I want to figure my life out for me and for what i want, not what other people think is best for me. I have felt a strong sense of "depression" over the last few months, or maybe even the past year, but I think it's time to get out of that. I don't know how i'm going to get out of that, bu it's going to happen. I am feeling good about a new major, a new direction, and I just want to start fresh on something new.

I am going to abandon Spanish and PDBio altogether, and go with a new direction. In my student development class, we recently went over our Strong Interest Inventory tests. Alot of people speculate how accurate these tests are, however, I feel that if the person answered the questions without thinking about it or answering it how they "wanted" to answer, it's pretty accurate at telling you what you are interested in and where you'd do the best. My top "Theme" is Artistic. I LOVE the arts. Paintings, Art History, Music, Guitar, Anything that has to do with self expression, sincerely fascinate me. However, I know it's not something I would necessarily enjoy doing for a lifetime career. The test told me what I am most interested in, is working the medical field. This i already knew. It also told me I wouldn't necessarily do the best there either. It did however give me some fields i would probably do really well at. One such field I have considered before, and heard mentioned about how amazing it is, and have thought about looking into. Speech Pathology. I don't really know everything that it entails, but i know it's a pretty big field and a needed career as well. A classmate who is in that field, told me about what he knows so far from it. It sounds pretty interesting, and i plan on going to see a counselor tomorrow to talk about it and see the options. I'm pretty excited actually. I'm actualyl excited for something related to school, which makes me happy. It's a first.

As far as school goes now.....I'm not sure where i stand or what to do with my current situation. I have a Spanish test coming up on Wednesday. I haven't been to that class since the last time we had a test....which is very very very bad. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. I just found out last night that i missed a D&C test. I emailed my teacher begging for Mercy, but i'm not sure to what avail since i miss that class farely alot as well. All i know is this: Starting tomorrow November 3rd, 2008, I will miss no more classes if at all possible. I know i have to go to do well, and i want to do well. I really do. I just gotta do it.

A good friend told me once, "Action precedes Motivation." And boy is that true. I just have to figure out how to have motivation to take action to have motivation to do the thing i haven't been doing. It's like a circle or chain. One thing leads to another....

Last night i went and saw Maple Grove play. Mallory Davis is the keyboard player, and has been a good friend of mine for quite a while now. They are pretty awesome.

The Rays made it to the World Series, only to lose 4 games to 1. How dissapointing. How come the team i cheer for can't ever actualyl WIN the championship? Sucks bad. Even BYU isn't doing that well anymore. They BARELY beat CSU...they should have annihalted them. Hopeully the Jazz can do it this year, if anyone deserves it or needs it, they do. GO JAZZ!!

I am good. I think. I think i need to tell myself i am good, and i will be good. Thanks to everyone who keeps in touch with me and cares enough about me to worry about what i'm going through. I've just been going through a semi weird, kind of rough, hard, and confusing time in my life recently. I'm sorry if i've been bugged or annoyed or snippy. I'm just trying to figure my life out, and there are many people that are great and so supportive. I wouldn't make it without you. Thanks.

This Life i Live

This Life. Wow...what a fun time huh? It is currently 2:11 am. I am awake, when my eyes tell me they are sleepy and want to rest, but my brain and soul cannot rest. How can things seem to be so perfect one moment, and then shatter to the ground in the blink of a tired eye. I can't understand everything, I don't expect to, especially when nothing makes any sense. All that i do know, is I honestly feel OK with things. I don't know what that means, but I guess it's not bad. I only know I've become closer to Camille than i have ever been with anyone else, and I really hope she can figure things out. I know we all cross paths with people in our lives for a certain reason. I am pretty sure I know the reason, or one of the reasons Camille and I have crossed paths, and i will take those lessons into my life and hopefully will be able to apply them, and be better because of her. I randomly wrote a poem about how i feel right now. Unusual, since i don't usually write poems. I guess new experiences bring new things to the board. Who knows, i may even make it into a song.

Aren't God's Creations awesome?










Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Mishna.

This life.
This life i live.
This life we live.
Living and loving, that's what it's about.
How we do it, depends on us.
The choices, decisions, and paths we choose to follow.
The people we meet, friends we make.
Those we fall in love with, those who break our hearts,
Those who know us best
It is not all for nothing.
There is a purpose.
A purpose i do not fully know.
Knowing this is all i care about right now.
This life we live
This life I live
This life.

Re-Route please?

Well here i am at work. Unusual? Probably not, considering i am here everyday. Today is the 24th of the month. I know it's September, but that's really beside the point. Today at work I will be flooded with calls from people asking "My order has a shipping date of the 24th, can I please stop or cancel the order?" OK, first of all the orders print off at like 5 am. Once the order is printed, there is really almost nothing we can do. It's not like I can walk over to the warehouse, and find their order, unbox it, tear up the order form, and process the refund. It IS possible, but 100% not feasible. There are literally thousands of orders printed off everyday, and on the 24th and 25th, even more. Even more, you have TWENTY THREE days to call and stop your order from shipping. It's really not that hard. If your order has already been sent out, i can't even call UPS to send it back to us for at least 2 days. THEN sometimes they won't even let me. It'd be better if everyone just got with the program, and watched your own back. That'd be nice. Now for the real reason I'm writing this entry today.

To know where i am coming from, it might be best for you to read a former entry, Changing Gears. When i decided to drop my classes that semester, long ago, i felt like that was the right thing to do at that time. I don't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do. As far as right now, I feel more committed to school, more committed to my life and what i want it to be. I'm still not 100% sure where my life will lead, or where I will be going with all this, but I feel like PDBio is still the right direction. I am retaking Chemistry 105 this semester, the class i had such a hard time and struggled with exactly a year ago. I'm already feeling like I understand it better, I'm getting a better grasp on it, and I'll be able to get through it better than a D-. If i get a C, that's fine with me. I'm aiming for a B. I know an A is pretty much impossible since the after grade in the class is a C, and that hasn't ever really changed. I know there are people in the class that do get A's, but heck there are people that get 4.0's graduating in Law. Yes, there are geniuses on this earth. Desafortunadamente, I'm not one of them, and I'm honestly ok with that. We are all given different gifts and talents, and being a genius is not one of mine. I'm smart enough, however, to get through Chemistry and through my current standing major. I love the idea of helping people improve their lives, and giving of myself and time. I probably won't end up going to medical school, or even be a doctor. But as someone very close to me right now has really made me realize, there ARE other options besides being a doctor. I want to succeed. I want to have a plan. I feel like after the last hour of the morning, i feel like i have a plan again.

I don't know where this is all coming from, but I have a pretty good idea. I've had so many, i guess you could call them "signs" that i CAN do Chemistry. We got a new roommate named Ryan, and what is his career plan? To study a language and go pre-med. He's in Chem 105 right now, and works in a doctor's office and is looking into maybe getting me a job there. Sunday at church, I was doing interviews with my Bishop, well being there while he did interviews, and met a girl named Jennifer. What does she do? Why she works in the Chemistry Department at BYU. She has office hours that no one comes in to, AND she has the EXACT same bday as me...10/04/1984. (yes my birthday is in a week and a half...i accept anything. Cash is nice too. You can make checks out to Jeff Mabey. Thanks) Anyway, i feel like I'm being directed right now, and being offered all the help i can get, and i need to take advantage of that. I just know all i need to do is figure out how to do well in school....and in life. That's what it's all about right? Summing it up, I'm re-routing gears. Back to the old. We'll see....

I'm currently taking a Student Development class entitled, Life Planning and Decision Making. I don't know why I didn't get into it before. We really haven't delved much into making big decisions, but the small things we've done and the things we have talked about, have made sense and made me think alot about my future and decisions i need to make. Even though BYU is a tough school, and sometimes i feel like I'm not cut out to be here, I really do like going to school at a great University. Oh and our Football team is doing awesome too. Never hurt anyone :)

New Month, New Post, New Me?

What a Beautiful Creature

No. The new me is NOT a Giraffe. Although maybe I should look into getting one.....

There have been a few people on my back (good thing Giraffe's have long necks and backs....) about writing a new entry. Ok not really a lot of people, mainly just ONE person...and they know who they are...(Insert sound Giraffe makes here) Speaking of, does anyone know what sound a Giraffe makes? When teaching a child sounds that different animals make, how does a teacher instruct a child what this sound is? Do Giraffes make sounds? This is a mystery...one that must be resolved.

To discover this unknown and unsolved sound mystery, we will turn to the two best places i know online. Google and Wikipedia. Even though i'm sure most college professors, and high school teachers would discourage using Wikipedia as a source, i find it pretty much amazing and love it. I mean look at THIS. Just scroll down a bit, and click on Sounds and WahLah. For all you lazy people, i will quote here.

"Although generally quiet and not vocal, giraffes have been heard to make various sounds. Courting males will emit loud coughs. Females will call their young by whistling or bellowing. Calves will bleat, moo, or make mewing sounds. In addition, giraffes will grunt, snort, hiss, or make strange flute-like sounds. Recent research has shown evidence that the animal communicates at an infrasound level"

My first question on this statement of a Giraffe's noise emissions: Does anyone know where i can hear the "Strange flue-like sound?" I'd be quite interested in finding out. I think it's kind of cool, however, that to court a hot Giraffe babe, all the guy has to do is cough and hack. I'm glad humans don't use this technique, i just can't imagine it going to well for the guys.....

Guy: (See's attractive girl) "Hi, will you.... *Cough Cough*..."
Girl: (disgusted look on her face) "are you ok? Do you smoke? Do you have bronchitis? Are you contagious? Should I cover my mouth when I'm talking to you? What is it you wanted to ask me?"
Guy: *stops coughing, puts head down and walks away*

I imagine a Giraffe Courtship (more specifically a BYU courtship) goes something similar to this:

Jack Giraffe: "Hey so i was *hack hack, cough cough, wheeeze* wondering if you would like to *grunt, cough, hack hack* go to the homecoming *COUGH* dance with me?"
Bethany Giraffe: (thinking to herself) 'wow he's really got the moves with all that coughing going on' "Well ok...i was planning on going with Jerome Giraffe, but he didn't have a big COUGH at the end like you did there."
Jack Giraffe: *COUGH COUGH....(lung comes flying out and hits Bethany in the face)*
Bethany Giraffe: "Let's get married tomorrow?"

Giraffes seem to have it easy. I actually wish dating were that easy. I guess if dating wasn't hard, it wouldn't really be worth it in the end. I suppose. I can't complain though right with my current situation.

I have an older sister named Camille. I have known her for 23 years, 10 months, and 27 days (something close to that). I also have an Aunt Camille who i believe i have known since i was born. One of my best friends sisters name is Camille, although she goes by Cami. Mike married a Cami (also short for Camille). Chad is marrying a girl named Cami (also short for Camille). Counting (yeah i can count, sometimes), that makes 5 Camilles that I am associated with. Chad's Camille i don't really know. Even without her, it makes 4. Lets be honest, Camille is not the most popular name. There's nothing wrong with the name, it's a great name. According to the Social Security Website, the name Camille was ranked #369 in 1982 (the year my sister was born). It seems only, fewer people gave the name Camille to their daughter than say the name Ashley, Amy, Brooke, Jessica, Gertrude (ok that one probably isnt' true), etc. So I mean who would have guessed that I would date a Camille? I mean it's not like i planned on it, it just happens right?

In previous posts I have talked about girls I met online, have dated, wanted to date, etc. Those posts at that time were true and had much deep felt thought and time put into them, and since I put my truest feeling in them, I received much guff and crap from a lot of people. I guess a blog isn't the best place to put ALL your feelings, but I felt like they needed to be shared at that time. Let me just give a little expwanashon of the newest addition to the Camille's in my life.

(Name removed) is her name. She is awesome. If there was one word to sum her up, that would be it. Awesome. She's from Idaho, the not-so-small-as-I-previously-had-thought town of Pocatello. Her Dad is not a potato farmer (believe it or not there are people that have other occupations in Idaho besides Potato farmers. Amazing i know). She has a simple and good family. Strong in the gospel, good morals, and good overall people. Camille and I met online. Go figure. I really didn't expect anything else to come from online dating after I ended things with Allison. Actually, I decided to cancel my membership to the dating site I was using, and met Camille before it actually expired. I guess good things happen for a reason right? Well we've been officially dating now for over a month. I can't believe how fast the time flies, it's really just incredible. Don't start asking me when we are getting married because A. We are in no rush at all to worry about that. B. We've known each other for like 2 months (I know at BYU that's almost too long right? Good thing she lives in Sugar House and graduated from Utah State and wasn't ever a BYU girl, so dating longer than 2 months flies right? =] ) As far as how things are going....things are going well. We're having fun dating, and for now that's what's important. Oh, and did i mention i'm just over a month older than her? Yeah. Pretty rad. Camille number six, added to the list. (almost a rhyme. Go me.)

As far as the rest of my life goes, I don't really know what to say. I'm still stuck at Nuskin. I love the company, I really do. I just wish I could move up. I try, and it doesn't happen. Perhaps it's just not meant to be. School....I'm registered...which is something i suppose. I still don't know what to do with my life. I'm still going to major in spanish, (Changing Gears), but other than that I just don't know. If anyone could figure it out for me, that would be FANTABULOUS. I really don't want anyone to tell me what to do. I can and WILL figure things out. I have to. I'm retaking Chem 105 again this semester (Again because I was in it a second time, but dropped all my classes...), and this time I plan on sticking to it. I really do WANT to understand it and be able to advance. I'm sure it's pretty sweet stuff once you fully understand it. I'm trying to get into a piano class as well. I have always had the strongest desire to play the piano, and since I know the basics, I'm pretty sure I could pick it up pretty quickly. School will be interesting.

Well I think this post can make up for the lost time and lost Jeffrey Scott Mabey many of you people have been searching for. Recently I've pondered about going by Jeffrey instead of Jeff. I don't know why, it just sounds more mature and I think I actually like it. I dunno. I guess that's another thing to figure out. I find the name of my blog Ironic. Half the time I write, I write about me trying to figure life out. Sometimes I think i'm really not that good at living life and being good at it. But hey, I'm trying my best. That's all that matters right? I suppose.

Mishna.

Some cosas...Ok just some random stufff!!

It's Sunday night, and the moon is bright....well not yet actually, since it's not even 8:00 yet when I'm starting this. But who cares.

I have decided that there are some things that irk me, yes I-R-K, and I'd like to share them with the world. I could try and put these in some kind of order, and i might have to do that after i get them all down and commented on. We will see.

My List of Things that I-R-K the crap out me

1. Folding Laundry. Seriously. I can guarantee that there is not one person on this planet that actually enjoys folding their own clothes after getting them out of the dryer. How many teenagers have rooms that look like a shop vac full of clothes finally overloaded and exploded leaving clothes everywhere. If it wasn't so...unattractive...to have a neat and tidy room, I'm sure i would have jeans hanging from my light in my room, shirts gone missing, and socks being carried away by rats. OK my room doesn't have a rat infestation, that i know of...perhaps i should invest in some Mouse/Rat traps just to be sure. Actually, i kind of have always wanted a pet Rat. I hear they make great little friends....just not to kids. Good thing i don't have kids
2. Celery. Enough said.
3. Pickles. Whoever thought about taking a vegetable, Cucumber, and soaking it in raw evil...OK Vinegar isn't really evil, but I'm sure it's available in Hell....is one messed up person. People tell me "oh you have to try this kind of pickle. It's better than this other kind" OK...think about this. If i go out and eat a rock and it's gross, do you really think a different kind of Rock is going to taste better? Highly unlikely. A pickle is a pickle, and Pickles are disgusting. Even the word makes me wanna hurl. A world without pickles, would be a better world indeed.
4. People who ride your tail while driving, when the person in front of you is going slow and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it because everyone on either side is going the same speed. I hate it so bad. If you get on my tail, at all even if we are the only two cars on the road for 1000 miles, i will slow down to below 10 of the speed limit. You can pass me when you have the chance, and for all i care flip me off. I will just wave and smile as if i did nothing wrong. Because i didn't. However i am guilty for speeding myself. I do find it interesting though when I'm going 80 on the freeway, the speed limit is 65, and there are people flying past me. No wonder I've never had a speeding ticket. THAT'S what speeding is. Oh and back to my original thought....I CAN'T do anything. SO GET OFF MY BUMPER!!!
5. Thongs. OK....as a guy i feel i am entitled to this. The Thong, i suppose one could say is just underwear. Which is true. And as I'm sure MOST any guy would agree, CAN BE attractive. HOWEVER, there are certain circumstances and places it's just not right. For example: When you are at a church activity, and you are wearing a dress made of thin black material, and the sun is shining and shines right through it, thus illuminating for all the world to see. Some things just need to be kept private from the whole world. Sure for a husband, fiance, or perhaps even a boyfriend i suppose one could say wearing thongs is attractive. Along those same lines, we don't need to see it when you bend over. Usually it's pretty obvious...OK not all the time, but usually one can tell....we just don't need to see it to be sure. This is my matter of opinion, nothing more :) If you have the body to wear one, or don't and still choose to....well that's your decision. But as far as I'm concerned, we don't need to see it! I guess on the flip side, Granny Panties aren't any better either. Unless of course you're a granny. Then it's OK. And hot.
   
6. Ignorance. Mainly this comes from my being a member of the LDS Church. It really doesn't bother me as much as it's just annoying. Before assuming something, or saying something, make sure you go to the source first. I don't go into a McDonald's and ask "How much fat does a Nacho Cheese Chalupa have in it?" Then go on the corner of the street by a taco bell with a sign that says "Chalupas have 9,000 grams of fat. It will lead you to death and destruction." Go to the source, find out the truth and facts before you make any judgments. *note to reader. I actually do enjoy a Nacho Cheese Chalupa every once in a while.
7. Straws-I suppose one could argue this invention revolutionized drinking from a paper cup. However, i feel it is much more refreshing drinking directly from the glass. You can feel the ice on your lips, feel the liquid rush past your teeth, and overall it's a better experience. I suppose it DOES facilitate drinking if you only like a little bit at a time, or you have a mouth that only opens 2 cm, or you are handicap and need a straw. Those are about the only exceptions i can think of. I guess if you like straws, you can have mine. Down with straws!!
8. People who haven't seen the Goonies. Again, enough said. If you are reading this and haven't seen it. Call me right now and we will watch it. Thank you.
9. Blog entries that don't save the font like i want it to. I only say this because the stupid font keeps reverting back to the small font from my "Note to reader." I don't understand it, and would like some help on figuring out on how to make it work right. That'd be great. Thanks.
   

Well that's all I can think of right now. Currently I have a pile of clothes on my bed, thus inspiring this blog entry. I know it really isn't too exciting and i do apologize for that. Oh well. Get over it. Or just live your life and be better at it OK?

So what

So basically it's been a long time since i've written. Life is going by pretty freaking fast and crazy. I can't really explain anything, or why it is as it is. Oh well.

Catch up:

Still don't know what i'm going to do with my life. I was at my parents house this past Sunday, and had everyone asking me what i'm going to do with my life. Heck if I know. And of course when everyone, oh yeah everyone consists of: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Sister....is asking what you're going to do, they give their advice too. Basically what it comes down to, is probably just me majoring in Spanish and doing something with my life that i don't know. So if anyone has any bright ideas at what i should do, let me know k?

Weddings. I've gone to one, and there will be 2 more done by this weekend. I have one today, Blake Ross, and one on Saturday, Ace Stryker. It's crazy. I still can't fathom Mike and Jake getting married. I guess its just that time of life right?

Stuff: I went on a river trip a week ago. River Rafting for a week, seriously amazing. It's the second year in a row i've done it. I am pretty sure it will become a yearly thing. My roommate Mike was telling me how it just helps him relax, and it's his power-charging trip for the year. I think it's going to have the same affect on me as well. It was so nice to just relax, and not worry about anything at all. Fabulousness.

Right now it is 3:24 am. I am at work right now, taking calls from Spain....basically (i use that word alot) i get paid $16.93 for doing nothing. Can't complain.

I don't really know what else to write about. Thats it for now...life is about the same as usual. Only i am kind of dating a girl right now. But i learned from past experiences that writing details isn't a good thing cuz people get the wrong idea and i never hear the end of it....so if you want to know details, you'll have to ask :)

That is all. Have fun not reading more :)

I'm Proud to be an American

Today is July 7th. What does that mean? Well 2 things. 1) It's Monday and it sucks cuz i'm at work. 2) July 4th has come and past. I really meant to write a post ON the 4th, i just never got around to it. Anyway This is my post for the 4th.

Basically, to me, being a citizen of the United States is probably one of the best things ever. There is a feeling of patriotism and pride that is indescribable. I believe that citizens of other nations feel pride for their country also. During the Olympics the people wear their colors, and raise their flags with Pride. However i firmly believe that being part of the greatest nation on earth, knowing what our fore fathers have gone through, seeing how many people want to COME to the US, it really is obvious I live in the greatest nation on the earth.

I'm an emotional person. So sue me. Whenever i sing the national anthem in a group of people, or hear it on the 4th of July, and just ponder what it really means to be an American Citizen, it gets to me. I don't usually cry or sob or whatever, normally it just really touches me. In a manera unica....u unique way, that nothing else can do. I know many, many, many, many people hate George Bush, and hate the politics of the United States, but i am a firm believer that the leaders of America really do their best, as far as they know how, and as good as they can. No one is perfect, people make mistakes. I am also a firm believer that our founding fathers were guided and lead by God in forming the constitution, breaking away from England, and claiming our Independence from Great Britain. I really am so thankful for everything they went through to give me what i know now as the best Country in the world.

Having spent 2 years in Bolivia on a mission, my eyes were really opened to how lucky I am. People in the world hate the United States. They hate George Bush. They hate what America stands for. But why then, do people migrate to the US like crazy? Despite what they say, they know it is a truly blessed country. There are many opportunities in other countries to have a great life, and to prosper. It is possible. Bolivia has so much potential, the only problem is the people are so used to living poor, they don't believe it possible to come out of the poverty they are stuck in. I guess all you can do is just instruct and try to teach the people. You give a man a fish....and teach him how to live life and be good at it.

God Bless the U.S.A.

(Some of my Favorite American songs)

God Bless the U.S.A.
By Lee Greenwood
If tomorrow all the things were gone I’d worked for all my life,
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars to be living here today,
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee,
across the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea,

From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA,
Well, there’s pride in every American heart,
and it’s time to stand and say:

I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

AMERICA

Written by Neil Diamond

Far
We've been traveling far
Without a home
But not without a star

Free
Only want to be free
We huddle close
Hang on to a dream

On the boats and on the planes
They're coming to America
Never looking back again
They're coming to America

Home, don't it seem so far away
Oh, we're traveling light today
In the eye of the storm
In the eye of the storm

Home, to a new and a shiny place
Make our bed, and we'll say our grace
Freedom's light burning warm
Freedom's light burning warm

Everywhere around the world
They're coming to America
Every time that flag's unfurled
They're coming to America

Got a dream to take them there
They're coming to America
Got a dream they've come to share
They're coming to America

They're coming to America
They're coming to America
They're coming to America
They're coming to America
Today, today, today, today, today

My country 'tis of thee
Today
Sweet land of liberty
Today
Of thee I sing
Today
Of thee I sing
Today

And of course, the best of all:

The Star Spangled Banner

By Francis Scott Key

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light, What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight, O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming? And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there. O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave? On the shore dimly seen thro' the mists of the deep, Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes, What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep, As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses? Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam, In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream: 'T is the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O, thus be it ever when freemen shall stand,
Between their lov'd homes and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us as a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause. it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

I love America.

Nothing in Particular

Right now, i have nothing in particular to talk about. I can't even think of something to just go off on. But all i know is i miss writing, and it's been awhile. I think i will compose a list of things I have always wanted to do, or do before i die. Also known as a bucket list. (The movie was ok...Morgan Freeman is one of my heroes, so it would make sense that i liked it. Other than him being in it, it wasn't that great.) I'm sure i will add to it more, maybe on a separate post, or this one. I dunno.

Bueno, Ya viene.

Jefe's Bucket List (in no particular order)

1. Travel the world-Basically i just want to take like 2 years and go everywhere. All through S. America (Knowing Spanish makes that easier, and more enjoyable). Asia, Europe-Italy, France, More of Spain, England, Ireland, etc. Finland, Greenland, Alaska
2. See every state in the U.S.
   
3. Go to Antarctica
4. Scuba dive a pirate ship wreck
   
5. Learn the harmonica
6. Learn the Piano
7. Read the WHOLE Bible (I know i should have done this by now, but i have not. So sue me!)
   
8. Learn how to cook....well....
9. Learn Dueling Banjos on the Banjo...and the guitar
10. Learn to PLAY the Banjo
11. Sleep an entire day
12. Buy a motorcycle
13. Eat Sushi
14. Start my own company
15. Name one of my future daughters Cielo
16. Grow a mustache
17. Be able to run a mile in 5 minutes
18. Be on TV
19. Record a song with me playing all the parts
20. Donate a million dollars to a Charity
21. Have a picture I've taken published in a newspaper or magazine
22. Catch a fly ball
23. Sit on the front row at the NBA Finals (only if the Jazz are in it)
24. Own a Porsche
25. Pet Rat
26. Have a dog named Gozath
27. Build a car from the bottom up
28. Graduate from School
    
29. Go Skydiving
    
30. Last for now, but definitely not least: Get married in the temple and have a family. (corny i know, but true)

Ok. So there is my list. It's in no particular order, and there are some things that are more important to me than others, but since there is no order, no one will ever know!! HAHAHA...k that was unnecessary. Hasta luego para ahora.

This is my Take

Well People...it seems things didn't work out with Allison. I know some of my previous posts may have alluded to me saying she really was the chosen one, but let me give my philosophy on this. Is there really a soul mate for everyone? I don't believe so. Even an Apostle, i can't remember who, said that any two members of the church that uphold the standards and morals, could work well together and be a happy eternal couple/family. Now of course by no means am i saying that ANYONE would be perfect for me...since there are personalities that clash, and some things just can't be worked out. As far as Allison goes, here's my take.

I met Allison during a time in my life when i was really kind of starting to feel like nothing good would come to me. She came to me, and it was amazing. Every moment i spent with her, was just amazing and i didn't have any worries in the world. Of course most people would say "you're crazy for letting her go," but as happy as i was, i just didn't feel like it was going to be a permanent thing. I don't know why. I can't explain it. And to this day, i cannot for the life of me begin to understand why things have worked out the way they did. I heard a quote, or something, that talked about how people come into your lives during a "season" for different reasons. (no rhyme intended) Do i truly believe that it was meant to be for us to meet. Yes. Absolutely. I learned many many things from Allison. One of them: The feeling of truly being loved, and to feel a love for someone "unico" (only...solely...). I know that in the future, I will be able to tell the difference between a "crush" and love, whereas I wouldn't have been able to before. Another thing, and although this is more on the physical side, I finally got my first kiss. AND for the record, it WAS amazing, and i DO NOT regret kissing her one bit. I was fortunate enough to be one of the lucky few people in this world who didn't have a "Wasted first kiss." I truly felt it meant something. It did mean something. She is an amazing kisser, and i truly do envy the guy that ends up with her. One other thing i really really learned was more of many things...i just learned what i want in my future wife. I know the qualities i will look for, and the qualities i need to have in my life. I know what i deserve now. I deserve someone like Allison. Someone that will love me unconditionally for who i am and what i stand for. Someone that loves our Heavenly Father as much as i do.

So my question to myself, and to any of you out there reading this: Why not Allison? You didn't give it enough time! Well sometimes time is just not needed to know. We could date for 2 years and i could feel the same way the whole time, and it would have been 2 years when either one of us could have found our future spouse. Like i said, i cannot answer this question. From the first time i had this "Doubt" i have not understood it at all. It doesn't make sense. But i do know how i feel, and how i've felt, and what i need in my life currently. I do not want to lose her of course, but it seems it was the best option for me, for us, to move on with our lives. I've never really "abandoned" someone before that i have liked, or had a thing with, or dated. I've normally stayed friends with them...well until now. And i'm hoping to do the same with her. I think we may need some time apart and such to get over it, but i know we can be good friends, even though it is not something she is used to. :)

Will i find someone exactly like her? I hope not, since no two people are exactly alike. Will i find someone who will hate to say good bye to me at 3 am? Maybe not. Will i find someone who can and will love me like she does/has? I sure hope so. I am sad, but i am happy too because i know things will work out for the best for both of us. She is an amazing person, and deserves someone amazing and will get it in her life. People come into our lives for a season, for a time, for a reason. For what that is, only we can know. I know why she came into my life, and no one can take that away from me. I will always cherish and hold close the experiences i shared with her.

So now that this stage of my life is over, for now, i'm not sure what will happen. Of course i will go on dating other girls. But i think now, i might have more confidence where as i may not have had much before. Yet another reason. Thanks to all of you who have cared, and shown interest in my well being. I find that more people read, or at least hear about my blog, than i may have previously thought. THANKS! And again, i'm just trying to go about my life and be good at it. Doing the best i can. Doing the best i know how!

A Tribute to a Wonderful Grandmother: Mary Elizabeth Sorenson Mabey Matern

Monday June 9, 2008 my Grandmother Mabey, as I've known her my whole life, passed away. It's bitter sweet though. For the past 15 or 16 years she has had to deal with health issues. She hasn't been able to eat food for 15 years, and has just fought through so much. 2 years ago she suffered a stroke, and her health just went downhill. All i know is she is better off now. I hope she got to eat something the minute she got to wherever it is she went.... i mean i know what the Church believes, and i know what i believe and know, but no one really knows how it is exactly you know? I really loved my Grandma. I did. It's weird how before someone dies, you don't realize how much you have loved them. I will truly miss her. I really don't have any pictures with her or anything, but i just pulled the one off of her obituary. She was an amazing woman. She knew how to follow the savior and taught us to do that as well. I will miss you Grandma.

After some consideration, i decided i need to write more about my Grandma. And since I'm at work, on a Saturday, and it's dead slow...thank goodness...I will do it now!

OK, so i think the best way to go about this would be to write about the things i remember most. The biggest thing i remember about my Grandma Mabey, was really how much i meant to her. I don't think i really understood how much she loved me, or any of us for that matter. She was always asking about us; "How's Jeffrey. How's Camille. How's Kevin. How's Kelly. How's Rebbecca. How's Renae...." etc. I know she always thought about us grand kids, and worried about us. The last time i saw here was on Mother's Day this year, which would have been May 11, 2008. I remember she came rolling in, in her wheelchair my uncle pushing her. I saw her, and actually was kind of excited. She got a smile on her face and said "how are you Jeffrey?" Come to think of it, she's really the only person that ever called me Jeffrey. My parents used to back in high school when i was a rebellious teenager, and they would yell at me by my full name...but those days are over :) I just remember giving her a hug and telling her how things were. I didn't talk to her much...now i wish i had. But i guess you live and learn right?

There were many times growing up, many experiences and funny situations my cousins and I found ourselves in with her. We all remember having sleep overs at Grandma's house, and one time specifically when we were up like at 2:00 am...not really a late late hour for me these days...but back then when you are a kid, and you were supposed to be asleep at like 10 or 11 because you were sleeping at Grandma's house, not usually a good thing. Anyway, so we were being rambunctious and we heard her bedroom door open, we were in the family room which was pretty far from her room thus giving us notice of her arrival. By the time she got there, we were all under our covers trying to hold back laughter. I'm sure she saw us, and probably knew we were faking it...but i don't remember if she said anything, or just left. I don't remember this experience exactly...but i do remember that it happened on more than one occasion.

Her favorite phrase was "when can i have an hour?" The funny thing, as my Dad mentioned at her funeral, was it was an hour...every time you talked to her. Another famous phrase was "special special." She thought we were all so special, and she really loved us a ton. Even though her life was kind of...crappy to say the least...and she was often not in a good mood, i know who she was underneath. She loved people. She was all about family. She was all about the important things. I was sad to see her go, but I know she is in a happier place with her sweetheart...whom I've never met, and cannot wait to meet one day. Supposedly she loved to dance and sing and i know she loved music. At her funeral, all the grand kids sang "I wonder when he comes again." It was pretty emotional for all of us, but we got through it and i know the spirit was strong.

I remember on my mission in Bolivia, i would get letters often from her. Many times containing a $5 bill which really isn't much...but in Bolivia it goes pretty far. I laughed a lot at the things she would write. See, letters took like 3 weeks to get to the mission. By the time i got the letter she had written, i already knew half of the things she wrote about just from my parents emails 2 weeks earlier. Or, things my family forgot to mention. For example: "It was so special going to Austins recital the other night. It's so neat he's taking voice lessons." (Oh and btw, all her letters were typewriter written...i don't think she ever touched a computer her entire life...) I was like..."what, Austin is taking voice lessons? That's cool...good thing my parents never tell me anything." It seems when one goes on a mission, the family forgets to include the small details of everyday life at home. That's life i guess. Anyway, my Grandma became famous in all my zones. All the missionaries would ask "como esta tu abuelita. Te mando dinero? Que me vas a comprar? jajaj broma" Basically, i didn't go a week without getting some kind of letter, whether it was from grandma, a friend, or my uncles Mission newsletter. I saved a ton of her letters. I don't know where they are currently, but i think i should find them and read through them. She always told me how much she loved me and how proud of me she was. She did make me feel special :)

Another childhood memory was McDonalds runs. Ok...not the runs you get from eating McDonalds, but going with Grandma to eat at McDonalds. She would take us to get happy meals. Sometimes, she would go to McDonalds, and just buy the toys...or buy a happy meal for herself, and save the toys for us. I remember there was a drawer in her kitchen that always had happy meal toys in it. I always rumaged...i wonder if anyone else did this? She always had a treat for us too. Whether it was Little Debbie Cupcake things, cream soda, Creamscicle bars, cookies, a Grilled Cheese sandwich, or whatever. There was always something.

My Grandpa Mabey passed away when my Dad was 16 or 17...something around that. So i've never known him...except maybe in heaven. Anyway, point being my Grandma remarried and was married to Walt Matern for 30 years. Amazing...really...it's just crazy though because they weren't married in the temple. Just for time. So now that she's gone, it's kind of like...goodbye Walt. Except, i don't think that will happen. He helped my Grandma so much, through so much ish and crap, without him...i don't know honestly how long she would have lasted. She got frustrated at times and threatened separation and what not, but in the end, i know she loved him. And he loved her. I remember about a year ago, when they both fell, and he broke both hips, he was hospitalized. Grandma was ok, but she was alone at home with Janet (Walt's daughter who decided to move in to take care of both of them). I remember we went and picked her up once, and took her to see him. She walked in, and walked to his side and sat down, held his hand and said "i've missed you. How are you. Are you ok? What can i do for you?" My Grandma, who herself was having major health and motor problems, wanted to help him. It was touching, and a side i really never saw between the two of them. I'm thankful for Walt. He helped her so much. I'm sure one day, my Grandpa Mabey will be able to hug him, and thank him for watching out for her and My Dad as well. (My Dad grew up partially with Walt in the home)

Well I think this does more justice to my Grandma. I can't think of anything else specific to say about her. Writing this has made me slightly emotional. I just know that she loved our family, she raved about the kids, the grand kids and all that we were to her. I know there were some familiy members who may have clashed with her at times, myself included. But we knew how much she loved us, and I know how much we loved her. We will miss her. We miss you already Grandma.

Dazed, Confused, Sad and in a Conundrum

So i know i told you all to keep a look out on the Allison Kaye Parker situation. Here is the update.

Monday May 26th, 2008

Even though it was a holiday, and i could have had it off work, i still decided to work. Time and a half has a nice ring to it. Allison and I both were extremely nervous for this day, we didn't know what to really expect. But honestly, it turned out to be one of the best days/dates of my life.

After a lot of annoying people calling me, i got off work around 1:00 pm. Since this is our first date, and to kind of have neutral ground and for convenience purposes, we decided to meet in Sandy for lunch at Chili's. I got there first, since Ally decided to be lazy and sleep in and take forever making herself pretty for me, but i didn't mind. Her being a little late, gave me a chance to do something i had been planning on doing for a long time and was really excited about: Buying her flowers. A long time ago, she had told me her favorite two flowers were White Roses and Pink Lily's. I had never forgotten, and found it only appropriate to buy some for her. I stopped in Draper at a flower store, and went and picked some out and had them wrapped up and put together nicely. I was pretty much freaking out, it was the first time i'd ever done such a thing. I just hoped she would like them. So i got to Chili's and decided to leave them in the car for after lunch when we left to go do whatever. I got to Chili's around 2:15 and just waited for her to get there. She texted me at 2:30 saying she was there. She walked in, and i looked around the corner and our eyes met for the first time. Of course we had a big hug, and just huge smiles on both of our faces. We sat down and just started talking. It was a little weird at first, just seeing how we were so used to talking on the phone or through other methods, but i still felt like there was a connection. Lunch went well. We talked, and laughed, and actually saw how the other reacted to certain things. It was great.

We left Chili's and went out to my car. I had mentioned to her during lunch that i had gotten her something....i didn't want to mention this, it just kind of slipped out. So when we got to the car, i walked with her to the passenger side and opened the door and reached in and pulled out the flowers. She was pretty happy about it, and said she loved them. I just really wanted this date to be special, and so far it was going well. I knew she would love them and it made me happy that she was happy. We got in the car, and started driving to our first activity. Duck feeding.

I have NO IDEA how we got on the topic of feeding ducks one night, but we decided it would be fun to do as part of our first date. Since it was raining, we didn't really think we would have much luck finding ducks anywhere. We went up to her friend Sarah's' apartment to see if the usual ducks would be out. We pulled up and saw 4 ducks in the pond, enough we figured to get some bread and feed. We went to a gas station, strike 1: No bread....what gas station doesn't have bread? Seriously. Luckily there happened to be a Smith's across the street, AND a bargain stand with really cheap bread. I think we got like a whole loaf and some rolls for like less than $2. It was amazing. We pulled up to the pond, and after sitting in the car listening to Muse for a little bit, we went to go feed our little friends. Strike 2: Apparently some ducks just aren't that intelligent. The stupid ducks in the pond would NOT come over to where we were throwing the bread. I don't know if they weren't hungry, or scared of us, or the rain made them afraid. Whatever it was, they didn't want bread. Lame. But we saw some other ones on the grass waddling around, and went and fed them....they must have been the smart Duck family. They got full and kind of walked away, so we walked around trying to find other ones to feed...Strike 3: No more ducks. We were ok with it though, since it was kind of dreary outside and our feet were cold (we were both wearing flip flops and it was raining). We were originally going to go to Boondock's, but since it was bad weather, it wasn't really the best option. We decided on Nickelcade....yeah hadn't been there since i was like 12.

Who knew with $5 in nickels, you could have so much fun! Of course the games weren't amazing, and some of them wouldn't even work together, but i think we spent more than half of our money on Time Crisis. The other half was on Basketball, driving games, pin ball, and other stuff It was pretty sweet. At the end, we wasted the last of our nickels on a game to try and win some tickets. Since we only had like 20 tickets total, and didn't really care to get a bouncy ball, we gave them away to little kids. We were walking out, and i chose my kid. I said hi to him and he looked at me like as if i were going to hurt him, then i handed him a bunch of tickets. His face lit up, and his sisters eyes bulged. It was a great feeling giving away 20 tickets :) After Nickelcade, we didn't really have a lot planned. Our only plan was to go to Indian Jones later that night around 8:30. We decided to go up to my parents house so i could show my mom pictures and videos from Spain, and so Allison could meet them. I know some of you might say "Wow she met your family on the first date..." but that really just is how my family roles. They are casual and friendly, and it's normal for them to meet dates. So we spent some time there, going through my pictures to Spain (which i still need to finish on here...) and then we all went to dinner together at Spaghetti Mama's down at Jordan Commons. Allison had a riot laughing at my brother, and at my parents, and at our family. Basically my family is crazy, and if you can laugh with us...you will fit right in :)

Indiana Jones was ok. It wasn't amazing. I know there are some people who would say it was the worst movie ever made, but i still think it was pretty good. It WAS after all Indiana Jones. You couldn't expect it to vary to far from the original feeling of the older movies, even if it DID have aliens in it. So the whole time, well from after lunch up until the end of the night, we were both just extremely comfortable with each other. Holding hands, cuddling, and what not. We just clicked, everything felt so normal, so natural. It was great. After the movie, we decided to go back up to my house to just kind of hang out some more, and just be with each other. I told her we had a pac-man machine at our house, and she was totally stoked to play it. We played Pac-man for about a half hour and just had fun together. Then we decided to watch the Muse concert (did i mention we are both huge fans of Muse?) that i had told her about. I gave it to my brother for his bday, so we had it at my parents house. We turned it on and sat down on the couch and were just cuddled and watched Muse be amazing on stage. I asked her if she would rub my shoulders for me, because they were in oodles of pain for whatever reason. They always are. During this time, i was just engrossed in the feeling of her touching me and easing my pain. She then decided to massage my head...yeah it was amazing. After this she just put her arms around me and decided to hold on to me for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a few minutes. The time spent with her, just doesn't feel like time at all. It just goes by and i wouldn't even know or care how long it was. After this experience, i got up and sat on the couch again, but this time with her laying down and resting her head on my chest. She turned around and looked up at me and just stared me in the eyes. During this time i just wanted to make her happy and do what i could to make her comfortable. I ran my fingers on her head and through her hair and just was happy to be around her. Ok...so the next part was pretty dang awesome. I was doing the above mentioned, and she opened her eyes and kind of caught me looking at her...she says i was staring, but that sounds stalkerish.....but i was looking at her. She asked "what are you thinking" i said "nothing really" Then she made a pouty face. If any of you know Allison, the pouty face is pretty much one of the funnies and most adorable things in the world. Anyway i said "if you don't get that pouty face off, i'm going to have to kiss it off." Then she made it again, and i kissed her. It was pretty much amazing....and since it was my first kiss, and not rushed, and really awesome, it just made the moment that much better. I forgot to mention, that this whole time my brother had been in the room, but with his back turned to us playing his computer game. All i know is heard him say something, i looked up and saw him whip around to his computer screen....yeah we got caught on 3 levels. 1. My first kiss. 2. Our first kiss. 3. By my BROTHER. It was pretty hilarious. We were laughing for like 10 minutes after that and kissed again but stopped so we would gross him out. We finished the concert, and left. I took her back to her car around 2:15 am. We talked for a minute, and then we kissed again. All the kissing this night, were pretty much amazing. I hadn't ever had previous experience with kissing, but what i do know is that it was better than what you see in the movies. It was awesome.

The next couple days were interesting. The whole reality of the situation kind of scared me a little bit, and i kind of got cold feet. But, i got over it and was way excited to go out with her again. The original plan was to go with her mom and work down to Wendover. I guess her mom works with elderly people, and every once in awhile they take the "Fun Bus" down to Wendover to gamble and what not. Since i really didn't want to gamble, and she had the day off anyway, she decided just to stay and spend the day with me. I had gotten work off also to go with her, so i didn't have to worry about it either.

The night before, we were up until i believe it was close to 4 or 5....yeah this was a normal occurrence up until this point. We both woke up around 11 and i made my way up there and got there around 12:30 or so. Basically she attacked me :) JK, but she just gave me a big hug and we went into her house. I met her sister Ashley, and saw the flowers and a little bit of her house. Then we talked and kissed for a little bit. We were sitting on the couch totally making out, when we heard the front door open. Anyone that has ever been caught kissing or making out, knows what it does to you and your heart. Basically you freak out, your heart starts racing and you start sweating. So her brother walks in, totally taken back at the sight of us. It wasn't anything gross or bad, it was just him being startled....he said hi and just kept walking. Basically that ended everything. We were, again, laughing hysterically and decided it was time to leave. We went out to eat at a Thai restaurant, enjoyed each others company, and then headed up to Salt Lake. We went to the planetarium and goofed around. Here's the only picture of us together in existence :)

We went to an I-max movie called "Mummies: The secret of the Pharaohs" or something like that. Honestly, it wasn't that good, but we really didn't care since we were just worried about us being together. After the movie, we went out and walked around in some of the stores at Gateway. She bought me ice cream, and some chocolate covered cherries for self...which i only ever saw her eat like 2 of....odd. Then we went to the Lovesac store, and were basically hounded to buy one... "I'll knock $50 off right now for you!" No thanks...I'll buy something when I WANT it not when YOU WANT me to. Our plan was to meet my sister and the guy she was dating, as well as my buddy Jake and his fiance, all for dinner. We met them at Olive Garden and had a lot of fun. Everyone got along, and was laughing, and just having a good time. Then we decided to go back up to our house to play games and do whatever. Since it was a Thursday night, it wasn't like everyone could be out way late or whatever. Jake had to work early, so they left around 10 or so. But it was fun just hanging out and being with other people too. ( we played a game and somehow Niga Turtles came up...ask Allison...hahaha)

So in a nutshell, those were the two nights. We ended the Thursday date watching Snow White (Ally hadn't seen it), cuddling, and kissing. We left my house around 1:00, and i got back to Provo around 2:15 am. It was a great night, and a great time. I felt so good after our date, that everything was going perfect and nothing could go wrong. We just have so much fun together, we get along, we are so similar it's scary, and everything was awesome. I just didn't think anything could happen....of course with that lead, anyone could tell what i will talk about next is that something did go wrong....it did, but it didn't at the same time. Let me explain.

Basically, Allison is the first person I've ever actually come to love. I know it's hard for anyone to accept that since I've only known her for 3 weeks, but i know it is possible. We talked so many nights til 2 or 3 am, some even til 5 or 6. We just know so much about each other, so many small details, so many things that we have trusted each other immensely. I really feel like i have a best friend. One that i can confide anything in, and tell anything and not worry about what they will think. My cousin once told me, to just become best friend with someone and when they are your best friend, the rest will follow. Now i don't know if it just my fear of being serious, commitment, getting hurt, wanting to date other girls, anything. I don't know. All i know, is my feelings as of right now are this. I love Allison Parker. Whether it be just as a person, a friend, a soul mate, or whatever you want to call it. I just know i haven't ever felt the way i do about her with anyone else. However, there is a side of me i can't explain. A side that tells me i still need to date other people. I have a couple theories about why these feelings arose. 1. Since it is my first time NOT BEING hurt, i could have a psychological problem making me think it will eventually get to the point where i will be hurt, and i'd better break it off before anyone else hurts me. 2. I'm not ready for commitment. It doesn't mean i CAN'T commit, i'm just not ready for a serious relationship. It's odd though, when you get something you want...then you have it and you realize you didn't actually want it yet...yeah kind of crazy. or 3. There is someone i need to help first before i can be serious with someone else. I don't know. It might be far fetched to say the spirit is telling me to date other people, date Allison, and just see where things go. But it's so hard. I know how she feels about me, i know how i feel, and i have an immense inner turmoil eating me away. I just need to figure this out. It's so hard and confusing and doesn't make any sense at all. I want to be with her, and not hurt her. I know i have already hurt her, and i already hurt myself. So anyway, that is the update on the Allison Kaye Parker situation.

Today during Bishop Interviews (i'm the exec. sec. of my ward, thus i'm there with the bishop while he does interviews, giving me time to do whatever i want) I wrote down my feelings. It just came out in lines...like a poem or something, bu not really...here i'll just write it and you can decide.

HOW CAN I FEEL THIS WAY, AFTER SO MUCH YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH. YOU LOOK INTO MY EYES, YOU'VE SEEN THE PAIN DEEP WITHIN MY SOUL. YOU CAN'T LET GO, I CAN'T SEE WHY. EVERYTHING MATTERS, NOTHING MATTERS. LIFE WILL GO ON, THE WORLD WILL COME TO A STOP. A HALT. A PAUSE. THE EARTH SPINS UNCONTROLLABLY. LAUGHING OUT LOUD UNCONTROLLABLY ECHOING IN SPHERES OF CHAOS AND WONDER. HEARTS POUNDING. FINGERS TREMBLING. TEARS FALLING. SHAKY VOICES. ROSES BLOOMING. IN THIS WORLD OF CHAOS, WE ARE BUT A SMALL PART OF AN UNFATHOMABLE UNIVERSE. POUNDING, SWIRLING, EVER CHANGING. SILENCE IS BLISS TO HER EARS. BEING WRAPPED IN HIS ARMS, NO CARES OR WORRIES IN THE WORLD. THIS IS ALL SHE REALLY WANTED. TO BE LOVED BY ONE WITHOUT ANY WORRY, OR ANY FEAR OF BEING LOST IN A WORLD OF HURT. NEVER BEFORE WAS A STRONGER LOVE KNOWN IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. YET THE WORLD CALLS. NO ONE KNOWS WHY, OR CAN UNDERSTAND THE REASON. NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN COMPREHEND THE WHY, THE HOW, THE REASON. IS THERE A REASON? WHY CAN'T THIS BE EASY. WHY CAN'T IT ALL MAKE SENSE. AREN'T' WE HERE TO BE LOVED? WHAT DOES THE WORD LOVE MEAN. IS IT JUST, TO BELIEVE, LOVE IS ONLY A FEELING? LOVE IS AN ACTION. LOVE IS A SUBSTANCE YOU CAN BREATHE IN, EAT, DRINK, TOUCH. LOVE IS REAL. HURT IS REAL. PAIN IS REAL. WHY DO TWO OPPOSITE WORDS GO SO WELL TOGETHER. THEY WALK HAND IN HAND. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS WAY. IT IS NOT FAIR. THE ANIMALS DO NOT GO THROUGH THIS. IS IT BETTER TO HAVE NO EMOTIONS? TO LIVE THE LIFE A DOG, A CAT, A FROG, A MOUSE. THE ONLY WORRY OF LIFE IS TO EAT AND SLEEP. TO FALL IN A SLUMBER OF DEEP DREAMS, NEVER WISHING, NEVER WONDERING OR FALTERING ABOUT ANYTHING. THE BLISS OF BEING IN LOVE . THE JOY OF FEELING LOVED. YET IT CAN NOT BE. THE REASON UNKNOWN, BUT ACCEPTED. TIME WILL PASS. THEY WILL MOVE ON. PERHAPS ONE DAY, THEY WILL KNOWS, AND COME TO TERMS OF PEACE, PERHAPS IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER, PERHAPS IN THE ARMS OF EACH OTHER. ONLY TIME WILL TELL. LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. TO BE HAPPY, IS TO BE ALIVE. TO BE ALIVE IS TO BE A PART OF THIS WORLD AND GOD'S PLAN.

That's it. It's all scattered, and probably doesn't make sense. But it makes sense to me, and i promise on my life that it will all make perfect sense to Allison. I wrote it all in caps because that's how i wrote it on paper. It took up two sides of a page. The words were just coming to me, and spewing out of my pen. I felt like a writer...it was quite intriguing.

So anyway mi gente, that's my update. I'm sorry it wasn't the best blog ever. But i feel good about it. I know things will work out for the best. I know what will happen will happen, and if things are meant to be, well they will become what they will. I'm just trying to live life and be good at it the best i can and know how!

Allison Kaye Parker

Whoa what? A girls name for the TITLE of a blog entry? What does this mean? Well i don't know, i guess titles to blogs usually tell what they are about right? Well i guess you have your answer then.

In today's ever changing world, there are so many ways people meet people. Through school, church, extracurricular activities, being social, clubbing (one thing I've never been into but I'm sure some people get into), and a plethora of other ways as well. Among that plethora, there is something called online dating. Many people do it, many people don't, many people love it, many people hate it. The fact of the matter is, it's really not much different than going to a club by yourself, where you don't know anyone, and meet a new friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or just an acquaintance. In all honesty, i never thought i would be one to go online looking for someone to date. But seeing how anyone I've ever dated before hasn't been up to the standards i set, or for whatever reason....look, simply said: Dating is annoying and sucks no matter how you look at it. That is until you find a special person, and you're whole world turns around and makes you wonder why it was so hard to find this person.

As Defined by Dictionary.com:
Soul Mate: 1. A person with whom one has a strong affinity;2. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

Lets dive deeper ok?

Affinity:

1.	a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.

2.	a person, thing, idea, etc., for which such a natural liking or attraction is felt.

3.	relationship by marriage or by ties other than those of blood (distinguished from consanguinity).

4.	inherent likeness or agreement; close resemblance or connection.

5.	Biology. the phylogenetic relationship between two organisms or groups of organisms resulting in a resemblance in general plan or structure, or in the essential structural parts.

6.	Chemistry. the force by which atoms are held together in chemical compounds.

1 and 2 are basically the same thing. Basically, an affinity is an attraction for whatever reason. Usually a natural feeling, or reason
3 is more of a bigger perspective view. In the dating world, of course it generally leads to marriage. Of course not in all cases, but if 2 people have an affinity, why not get married right?
4 is pretty interesting. Inherent Likeness or agreement. Lets dive deeper!!
Inherent-existing in someone or something as a permanent and inseparable element, quality, or attribute.
A PERMANENT and INSEPARABLE "Something." Something that doesn't go away. Something that stays with anything forever. For example, Females Inherently conceive children and give birth. A male cannot by any REAL means give birth. Ok you could probably argue "What about hermaphrodites born with both parts?" Or "Haven't you seen the movie Junior?" Both arguable points, but in any natural, normal, selection it is impossible for a male to conceive a child, carry a fetus, and give birth. Ok...so I'm off on a tangent, back to the main issue.
5 is rather fascinating don't you think? Who would have thought you could get down to a biological stance when talking about a soul mate. But i guess it makes sense, since the world basically thrives on the idea of things living together in a given place and/or time, with pro-creation and, the circle of life. I could go into what Phylogenetic means, but i really don't want to....you want me to? Jeeze...OK
Phylogenetic:the development or evolution of a particular group of organisms.
So basically if you get down to it, Affinity could mean the evolution of organisms living together in a given environment, or whatever you want to call it. Ok I'm done trying to sound smart now.

Basically my point and question is this: Is there such a thing as a soul mate? Well according to our little study and research, a "Soul Mate" could be anyone that shares similar characteristics and traits, where there is a natural attraction or liking to the given person. So seeing how there has been a certain flow to this blog entry, let me get to my main point.

I met a girl online one day a few months ago named Kamee Price. I went out a few times with her, thought things were going well, then for whatever reason she disappeared off the face of the planet. I don't know what her deal is, or what happened. Things were going really well, at least i thought. I suppose she has some growing up and maturing to do, and has some issues in her life she needs taking care of, and probably a variety of other reasons as well. Well since i haven't heard from her basically since i got back from Spain, and even then it was very limited, i ultimately decided to move on and start dating other people again. I hadn't really stopped yet, but as i was interested in her and wanted to see where things would go, i was devoting most of my "dating" time to her to see if things would progress. I rejoined the previous website where i met Kamee to see if i would have any chance at meeting someone again. I really wasn't taking it seriously, and was looking for other people in different social situations i found myself in here in Happy Valley AKA P-town AKA Provo. But guess what, as much as it may surprise you, things just weren't going that well at all. I wasn't down or anything, i just knew it wasn't my time yet and felt like something could come up soon. Well it did.

I met a girl named Allison Kaye Parker on May 9th, 2008. The only reason i know that date is because that's the date i first received what Online Dater call "flirts". Really not a tactic to actually meeting people in my opinion. It's kind of like throwing a fish hook in a lake without bait on it. I mean it's there, and if the fish takes it, awesome. If not, well i guess you get the bait right? Well usually i don't pay attention to flirts just because it's usually people w/ no pictures trying to get a nibble. Well i looked at some i had the day in question, and saw a flirt from Allison. I saw her picture and thought "This can't be right...really." So i looked at her profile and decided to write her a message. I think she responded to the message, but something just really basic. Then i responded back, and never heard from her for a couple days. Then i got online one night, and she was online and available to chat. So, i said hi. (I feel like I'm telling a suspense story...although it's not a suspense story...but it could be!) We started talking, and i don't remember very well, but i think we just talked for a little bit the first night. It's gone flying up hill from there

Basically for the last week and a half of my life, i have discovered a person who i feel truly is, by definition above, a soul mate. We have so much in common. We think alike. We know what the other is going to say before they say it. We feel the same about so many different things, it almost seems surreal. It feels like a fantasy. How is it possible to get to know someone SO well in just such a short period of time, that you literally and honestly feel like you have known them you're entire life, or longer. Anyone that knows me, knows i like to believe things happen for a reason. It doesn't have to be that God set the stone rolling in motion, and made things happen, but simply things happen for a reason and at the given time because if they happened any other time, it wouldn't have the same effect. I have various example from my mission, current situation, school, mission, etc. Whether big or small, things do happen for a reason.

I can't say what's going to happen in the future. I can't see the future. All i know, is that for now, things with Allison are so awesome. We haven't stopped talking since we met. Whether it has been talking online, through texting, and yes people EVEN on the phone, we haven't stopped or had a dull or awkward moment. I feel like i can tell her anything, and i know she feels the same. A really great friend once told me he met his wife, and they became best friends first and then things progressed from there. Right now I have a new best friend. Jake Beuchert is getting married. Mike Bready is getting married. I'm losing 2 best friends. I know I'm really not losing them, but in a way i am. They will be marrying their new best friends and be with them 24/7, loving and cherishing them. It's really been hurting me lately just realizing i will be losing them. I will still see them, but it will be different. Allison is also losing a best friend. Her name is Sarah, and ironically, she is marrying a guy named Jeff. The timing with us meeting was right on, it happened when it did for a reason. Again i can't say I'm going to marry her, of course we have only even KNOWN each other for a week and a half. We haven't even met yet for crying out loud (That will be happening on Monday May 26th, 2008. Thank goodness for holidays...) Even though i feel like i know everything about her, i know i have barely scratched the surface of who she is. I'm so excited to meet her, and get to know her on a different level. Hey, maybe things won't work out in the long run. But for now, they are awesome and I haven't been this happy in such a long time, maybe ever. So keep your eyes peeled for more updates on the Allison Kaye situation :)

PS. I know i need to get another blog entry up on Spain, I've just been SO busy with school and work and life, i just haven't had time. In fact I'm putting off homework right now to write this. But this couldn't wait, since many of you have asked me recently about my dating situation, i had to share it.